Category Archives: Personal

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Profile of a Pastor’s Wife: Prayer

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It’s ironic to be writing this post since I am no longer a pastor’s wife (at the moment). As many of you know, Dan was let go last Saturday. Some of you have asked what that means. Well, it means Dan is no longer an active pastor at the church we were at. Why? To be honest, we are not sure. All we know is that Dan’s contract was not renewed.

But I believe God had a plan when I began writing this series a couple weeks ago. This did not take God by surprise (even if it took us by surprise). And I believe God was preparing me when I took an inward look at what it meant to be a pastor’s wife and share my thoughts with all of you.

One thing God brought to my attention during this series is how many times I carry my burdens alone. I was always afraid to reach out, to ask someone to pray for me. I shouldered the hidden burdens of ministry alone because I believed that was my duty.

Sometime before last Saturday, I realized I was wrong. Or perhaps more accurately, God showed me I was wrong. I may not always be able to give people details (in fact, many times I cannot out of respect for the people Dan ministers to and respect for God’s order of things), but it was wrong of me to try and carry those heavy loads by myself. I realized just how wrong I was when I finally reached out a couple weeks ago and asked many of you to pray for us. I was not able to say why, but so many of you answered and lifted my family up in prayer. I experienced peace beyond my comprehension. My burden lifted. Thank you my friends.

Your pastor needs your prayers (and their families too). There is a battle out there, a battle many times you will not know about. But I know from first hand experience now how powerful and uplifting prayer is when you know you are covered in it. I told a friend the other day that when I know someone is praying for me, it halves the burden. And when two people are praying, the burden is halved more.

Keep your pastor in your prayers. Be on your knees for him, asking God to give him wisdom and encouragement. You will never know how much your prayers mean to him. Many times words of encouragement and prayer are like a glass of fresh cold water. Pastors need that. And you may be the one God sends to encourage him.

On a personal note, please pray for Dan and I. This is a scary place for us. We do not know what God has in store for our future. I have mentioned before that one of the darkest times in my life was when Dan was laid off a couple years ago.  Well, I’m back, and it’s as dark and scary as I remember it. Pray for our faith as it is tested in the next couple months. Pray that God will provide: financially, emotionally, spiritually for us. Pray for our children, especially our older two who understand more what it means for Dan to not have a job.

Thank you my friends for being there for us and for your prayers. Please feel free to drop us a line (or two). We always appreciate it 🙂

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Profile of a Pastor’s Wife: The Pastor’s Polygamy

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I share my husband with another. That other is the church. John Piper called it the pastor’s polygamy. Being a pastor is more than a job, it’s a life. It’s a life that my husband shares with all those God has placed under his care. Dan spends time with the church, his thoughts are on the church, his prayers are for the church.

The same is true of the kids and me. Dan spends time with us, his thoughts are on us, his prayers are for us. And so the church and I share Dan.

Learning to balance church and family has been something we have been learning since the day we married. Early on in his ministry, Dan was spending up to 5 nights a week doing church activities, not to mention full days. At that time I was home with a baby and a toddler. I rarely saw Dan and felt the weight of his absence. Let’s just say it wasn’t good for our marriage.

It came to the place that we realized that as good as church is, there needed to be time boundaries. It would be easy for Dan to spend all his hours with the church. But that would not be good for his family. And I came to realize that I have to let go of Dan and let him serve the church.

Those limits have been tested over the years. There are seasons when Dan is gone more than I would like. And there are times Dan has had to tell the church that he is needed at home. Sometimes, the church has not liked that.

But that’s what it means to share the same man. Compromise. Both sides allowing Dan to do what God tells him to do.

On a practical note, for me that has meant sometimes I am a single parent. I take the kids to church by myself so that Dan is free to minister to others on Sunday. I put the kids to bed at night so that Dan can attend his meetings at church. I stay home with sick kids on Sundays (I think I’ve been to church once in the last month lol).

I am not bitter by these situations. Why? Because by supporting my husband I am serving God.  I know my husband seeks to have a healthy home first, so he can help lead a healthy church (1 Timothy 3:5). I am thankful for the times the church compromises and allows their pastor to stay home with his family. After all, a pastor backed up by a healthy family makes for a healthy pastor 🙂 .

Next week, I’ll talk openly about the inside workings of the pastor’s family and how you can pray for your pastor (trust me, they need lots of prayer!).

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Profile of a Pastor’s Wife: Married to the Pastor

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What’s it like being married to a pastor? Well, it’s all I know since I’ve never been married to an electrician, a veterinarian, or a store clerk (I was married to a bank teller for a couple months until God made it clear to Dan that he was called lol). Being married to a pastor brings a unique aspect to both life and marriage. So to lift the veil, I will be writing candidly about being married to the clergy in hopes that by sharing, I can demystify the life of the pastor and his family.

First, a disclaimer: every marriage and every family is different. So my experience as a pastor’s wife will be different than the next pastor’s wife because A) I’m Morgan and B) I’m married to Dan. ‘Nuff said.

Myth #1: Its great to be married to a pastor because they are amazing spiritual men (aka never sin). Hahahah! Next myth… Actually, I’ve heard this from more than one woman who wished their husband was a pastor so they were a better spiritual leader. Let me debunk that myth. Yes, your pastor sins. Or else they wouldn’t need Jesus. And just because they answered the call doesn’t mean they suddenly stopped sinning. I have been so angry at Dan that I have had to leave the room or else I would say something I would regret.

Being married to Dan from the beginning of his ministry has meant that over the years, I have watched both of us grow spiritually. We have learned to forgive, to bear each other’s burdens, to be truthful with one another. Dan didn’t start out that way (and frankly, neither did I). Just like you, your pastor is growing spiritually and will be until the day he dies.

Myth #2: Everything is spiritual in a pastor’s family. Huh? Trust me, a pastor’s family does not exist on a higher plane of spiritual existence. Both Dan and I have changed diapers, we pay our bills, and enjoy a good game of football. On a more serious note, our children were not born Christians. They are as sinful as the other kids in the nursery and need to hear about God’s grace and make their own choice to follow God.

Our goal in our family is not to be more spiritual but to be real. Real about the hurts and pains in life. Real about saying sorry and asking for forgiveness. Real about loving one another (tickle wrestling is great!). There is no church side and home side to us. We are who we are wherever we are. And by God’s grace, He is shaping us to become more like Him.

That’s all for this week. Next week I’ll talk about the pastor’s wife and polygamy (yep, you read that right but you’ll have to wait until next week to find out what I mean ;)).

 

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Afraid to Fail

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I constantly find myself trying to fulfill everyone’s expectations of me. Those expectations are like plates. I spin plate after plate until I am racing around trying to keep all the plates spinning. Of course, I can’t and so they spin out of control and go crashing to the ground. Sometimes I get lashed at because the plate broke, sometimes I beat myself. Sometimes I can’t take the pressure anymore, so I cave in. Mt. St. Morgan erupts and unfortunately my kids take the brunt of it because they were nearby when it happens.

Why? Because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to seem incompetent in other people’s eyes. I’m afraid to look like a bad parent, dismal pastor’s wife, uncaring Christian. So I strive to keep all the plates spinning without asking for one moment if God told me to spin that plate in the first place.

God cares about my heart more than He does about me spinning plates. Now don’t get me wrong, we definitely have responsibilities we need to fulfill. But sometimes I add more. Or sometimes I’m too afraid to let go of a plate and let it crash so I can take care of the responsibilities that matter more (like God, my husband, and my kids).

I’m afraid to fail. I have a feeling I will fight that fight until I the day I die. But I am learning (and was reminded again this week) to let go of what other people think of me and look up. In the end, only God’s expectations matter.

“But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT).

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ISTJ

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“I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14 NASB)

I sometimes have a hard time believing that about myself; that apart from my sin, I am exactly who I am suppose to be. That God made me wonderful. Because sometimes I struggle with who I am.

Now I’m not talking about sin here, I’m talking about my personality. Anyone familiar with the Myers-Briggs Test will recognize the letters I put for my title. The world is made up of many types of people. Extroverts. Introverts. Logical. Emotional. Fast paced. Slow paced.

I happen to be a logical slow paced kinda person. Here’s an excerpt I found that fits me almost to a T:

 

  • ISTJ’s are known as the “Examiners” or “Inspectors” of the 16 types.
  • They have a keen sense for right and wrong and they have a strong ability to handle details.
  • They may appear cold and uncaring because of their ability for logic and objectivity.
  • They are decisive and practical when it comes to managing people.
  • You will find them in areas where stability and dependability are more important than creativity.
  • Extremely loyal and dependable, they place a high value on honesty and integrity.
  • They are the good citizens who put duty before pleasure.
  • They won’t allow themselves to relax until they have finished the work planned for that day.
  • Well organized they strongly believe in being on time and not being late.
  • Introverted, realistic, down to earth, logical, disciplined and organized.

 

Nice list, eh? The problem is I find myself fighting my personality when it comes to loving people (most especially my family). Do you ever struggle with that? Do you struggle when your personality clashes with someone else? Its not sin, its simply a difference in personality. Like phone calls. I hate phone calls. I can’t see the person, I become tongue tied, then that awkward moment of silence comes making me wish the call was over. It has nothing to do with the person on the other side of the line. It’s just me.

On the other hand, there are some of you that love phone calls. You could talk for hours. I’ll admit, I definitely do not understand that nor do I think I ever will. Is one of us right and one of us wrong? Nope. Its just different personalities.

However, there are times I wish I could change who I am. I wish I naturally thought more of people than solutions to problems. I wish I could easily read people and see what they need instead of looking blankly at them when they are hurting (more like the deer in the headlights look).

Lately I’ve been wondering where I fit in the church? Where does a logical, analytical, facts first kind of personality fit in a place that says to love people and put them first? Where does a Martha fit in a Mary world? Sometimes I feel I would be a better Christian if loving people came more naturally to me.

I guess that’s why God says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT). The personality God gave me gives me strengths (perseverance, integrity, the ability to look at a problem intellectually and not emotionally). But it also has its weaknesses (like loving people).

I need God’s strength to love people. I need His example and power. I only need to look at what I would be without God to see how much He has changed me. I can actually say the words “I love you.” I give hugs and kisses. And I feel His Spirit move inside of me, whispering to me, showing me what I naturally would not see in people.

I guess God didn’t make a mistake after all when He made Morgan. This world needs my kind of personality 😛 But I need God to become all that I can be. And that’s a good thing.

By the way, for anyone wondering, Dan is an ENFP (yes, you are seeing correctly, every letter is opposite of mine… goes to show you God had a sense of humor when He put us together lol).

 

*The website I found the list for ISTJ is http://www.careerplanner.com/MB2/PersonalityType-ISTJ.cfm

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Hugs and Kisses

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I was sitting on the couch yesterday afternoon reading my bible when Caleb came tearing around the corner on his tricycle. A huge grin filled his face when he caught sight of me. He jumped off his tricycle, ran towards me, and gave me the biggest hug ever. Then he raced back towards the bike and tore out of the living room.

I read a couple verses. The squeaky sound of a tricycle two wheeling around the staircase filled my ears. I looked up. Caleb came tearing back into the living room. He grinned again, jumped off his bike and gave me another huge hug. By now my mommy heart was melting all over the place. Caleb ran to his bike and away he went.

This happened a third time, but instead of racing off to his bike, Caleb just laid his head on my chest. We sat there, me stroking his back, he enjoying his mommy. And I realized what a blessing hugs and kisses are.

They come big, they come small. But each one is special.

When Makayla is put to bed, she likes to beckon me with a tiny little finger. Then when my face is close enough, she pulls me in and gives me a big kiss on the cheek. Philip on the other hand is becoming a “big boy” (aka “I’m too old for that mom”). So I just go up to him, wrap my arms around his middle and smell his hair. He smells just like Dan 🙂  Katy… well Katy is just like a kitty. She likes to snuggle down on my lap and purr.

Even those touches of affection in marriage are special. Dan loves to give big bear hugs (I think he’s going to break one of my ribs someday!). I like to hold his hand. Those “I missed you all day and I’m glad you’re home from work” kisses. And my favorite: full body hugs beneath warm blankets while a thunderstorm rages outside.

God gives us such wonderful things like hugs and kisses. Even just writing about my own hugs and kisses makes my heart swell in gratefulness to our God who made such things 🙂

How about you? What’s a special hug or kiss for you?

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Happy Anniversary!

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It began on an ice-covered field. Two teams, one on each side. Up went the football. The large blonde guy on the other side caught the ball. He ran down on the left side. His team blocked my team. I was the only one who could stop him.

And I did 🙂

After dusting off the snow, the blonde guy looked up me (after all, I had knocked him right to the ground) and broke out in a grin. His name was Dan Busse. Mine… well, you know my name (I’m the one telling the story).

That’s how we met.

Four years later, Dan asked me out on our first date. A couple months after that, he asked me to marry him. Eleven years ago this day we both said “I do.”

Only God could see that coming…  And I’m so glad He did 🙂

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A New Year

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I love New Year’s Day 🙂 It feels like fresh fallen snow without a single footprint in it. Everything is new, untouched, and just waiting for me to come walk through it.

Its probably also one of the few days where my pessimism disappears (yeah, I tend to see the cup half empty, God is working on that lol). Instead of looking on the New Year with dread, I look at all the possibilities. What’s going to happen this year? My dreams all come to the forefront and I wonder if this will be the year for them. I’m a little girl, standing on the back porch with an entire yard of fresh fallen snow and I want to be the first one to put my footprint in it.

Looking back at other New Years, I know I could never have anticipated what God did that year:

1999: Three weeks in, Dan asked me to marry him 🙂

2002: A couple weeks into this year, Dan and I found out we were going to be parents for the first time… and he was only halfway through Seminary!

2005: Only a few short days before this year ended I had an ultrasound that showed two little blips on the screen. Yep, twins.

2006: The Shattering as I call this period of our lives. Dan lost his job and thus begun a long dark journey for us as God shattered us and began to mold us into people he could use.

2008: God gives and God takes away, blessed be his name! Thankfully for us, God chose to let our son Caleb live. For anyone who knows the little guy, he is a ray of sunshine wherever he goes 🙂

2010: A couple weeks in, God showed us he wanted us to move to Indiana (nope, never saw that coming in a million years lol).

So what will 2011 bring? In many ways, I am grateful I cannot see the future. I would not want to see the bad things (death, job loss) because I would be overcome with worry and depression. And honestly, I would not want to see the good things (publishing contract, surprise trip to Europe ;)) because that would be all I would focus on. No, God is wise in not letting us see what is before us. Instead, we see the possibilities, then look up at our Heavenly Father and know that whatever comes, he will be there right beside us, holding our hand.

So bring on 2011 and have a Happy New Year everyone!

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Free Beauty

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During this time of year we are bombarded with things we can buy. And if you woke up really early the day after Thanksgiving, you might have even been able to buy it for less. But after reading a friend’s blog on consumerism, I was struck with the irony that we forget about all the free stuff we receive everyday.

Free stuff? Yep. These things cost absolutely nothing. In fact, you could never buy them, even if you had all the money in the world. And yet they are available to everyone. What I’m talking about is free beauty.

A sunset that leaves the sky colored in brilliant orange, red, and deep purple. A winter’s night so cold it takes your breath away and paints the moon in pale white.

The feel of a pet’s soft fur. Warm fleece pants (I could live in those :)). Hot showers that leave your skin pink.

The smell of a baby just out of the bath (and how soft their skin is). The aroma of baking in the kitchen (cookies, bread, roast in the crockpot). Fresh spring rain.

And speaking of rain, the sound as it falls gently outside an open window. The purring of a cat (or guinea pig :)). The wind brushing its fingers through tall evergreen trees. Songbirds.

The smooth rich flavor of cheesecake. A bottle of root beer so cold it’s just on the brink of freezing. A peach just picked and still warm from the sun (I can feel the juice running down my chin now).

God has given us the ability to enjoy so many things, many of them we could never buy. But we forget to enjoy what is around us as we focus on the things we want to buy. So how about today we take a break. Turn off the lights, sit on the couch and watch the Christmas lights twinkle on the tree. Walk outside tonight and look at the stars. Stand in your kitchen for one minute and just enjoy the smell of cookies baking in the oven. And thank God for the amazing things he made and the senses he gave us to enjoy the world around us.

I would love to hear from you guys. What is your favorite Free Beauty?

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Another Day Older…

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And hopefully another day wiser. In other words, its my birthday. I’m now over a third of the way through my life (if I live as long as the average human being… then again, I’m not average ;)).

So today I look at my life, both my future and my past. I have been blessed, I have had sorrow, I have been through fearful dark valleys and I have seen miracles. I’m sure my future has the same forecast. But the one constant between both past and future is God. He was there the day I became me. He will be there the day I take my last breath. And everything in between.

So here’s to a day that brings me closer to finally going home and seeing the invisible God who’s hand I have felt all my life.

“You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:15-16