Category Archives: Christian Life

Christian Life

Running into Battle Half Naked

19 Comments

armorEvery few months, I hit a week (or two) where every bad thing you can think of happens. Example: not too long ago I had to say good-bye to my dog and put her down for health reasons, got stuck in a foot of mud on a deserted Kansas road at night with no way out, had two kids sick with the stomach bug, and one kid end up in the ER (all within one week).

Normally when this kind of storm hits my life, I do great for about a day or two, then I crash. I fall on my knees and cry. I usually feel guilty because I’m a long-time Christian and a pastor’s wife so I should I be able to handle this kind of craziness, right? Wrong.

After a while, I get back up and get going again until the next storm hits me. Then I crash and the cycle starts again.

It wasn’t until a month ago that I realized something: All these years I have been running into battle half naked.

Say what?

God brought it to my attention that I was trying to coast through life. The problem is, you can’t coast through battles. When you only have half of your armor on, the enemy can pin you down then chop you off at the knee. That’s exactly how I felt after each storm.

I had forgotten that it takes the full armor of God to stand. I was trying to plunge through life with just a belt and breastplate on, and failing miserably.

So I went back to Ephesians 6 and here is what I discovered:

1) Before you put any spiritual armor on, you need to be standing firm in God’s strength. Ouch. I was definitely trying to shoulder my way through the hard things instead of being strong in God first.

2) Put on all of God’s armor. Not just the belt of truth. Not just the breastplate of righteousness. All of it. Half of it will only protect half of you.

3) All of the pieces of armor are important. There was a point a couple months ago where things were so bad I was actually questioning my own salvation because I was so sinful inside. As I was reading Ephesians 6, the helmet of salvation suddenly made sense. I really never understood that piece. Yeah, yeah, I’m saved, who cares. But after coming through that time of doubt, I realized that I had not been protecting my head. Without my helmet in place, my mind was susceptible. But with my helmet on, I know who I am and who I belong to and there is nothing that take that away. That knowledge gave me my confidence back.

4) Our battle is not with flesh and blood. Although sometimes it feels like it, especially when there is a person in your life who seems intent on cutting you down.

5) Pray at all times. All right, let’s be honest here, who prays all the time? Come on, raise your hand. Anyone? Yeah, I don’t either. Instead, I try and coast along and only bring the big items to God. But Paul says we need to pray all the time and for each other. I am not the only one in this battle. You are too. And so is my husband. And my children. And my fellow believers. We all need prayer.

Everyday for the last month I have been reading Ephesians 6 and putting my armor on. When this last storm hit, I was ready. I had my shield of faith ready when the doubts came. I had my helmet on. I used God’s word to counter the attacks. And I prayed, not only for myself, but for my brothers and sisters everywhere.

I’ve read Ephesians 6 countless times over the last twenty years, but only recently do I feel I’ve come to understand the importance of this passage.

How about you? Have you been running into the battles of life half naked? Did you leave your shield at home? Are you trying to stand on your own strength? What are you missing?

 

Christian Life, Personal

I refuse to be Bullied

13 Comments

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, but couldn’t quite hit the publish button. It is hard to share when I feel vulnerable. After I tucked this post away, the topic of cyberbullying started popping up all over, both in my real life and cyber life. I realized I needed to share because people need to know it is okay to say no, to delete that comment, to walk away from that conversation.

I am generally a quiet, patient person. But lately what I have seen on both social media and online games has made me cringe. It would seem people no longer care about their words. They fling them out across cyberspace like darts, hitting anyone that comes by. They belittle, demean, and use sarcasm as a way to get their point across. People are using words as a weapon. And unlike a real weapon, words leave deep wounds that people may never see.

Usually I let people comment on facebook and on my own website. I am open to people disagreeing with me. And the majority of the time the people I interact with know how to disagree in a respectful way. Then one day someone left a comment on a topic I shared on Facebook. I let it sit there. After all, they have the right to disagree with me. But the way they said it was not nice and not at all respectful. Finally, I removed the comment, the first one I have ever removed.  Why? Because this person wasn’t simply disagreeing with me. They were using their words to belittle me. That’s when I said no more. I refuse to be used that way. I refuse to allow someone to tear me down in order to build up their own idea.

I refuse to be bullied.

And I refuse to watch others be bullied.

As a writer, I understand the power of words. One word can shatter a person’s soul. It can lodge inside a person’s heart and mind until the day he or she dies. Yet on the internet we have no problem saying things that I doubt many of us would ever say if we were face to face with that person. Or if we did, we would immediately see the hurt we had inflicted.

I no longer remain silent when I see people ganging up on another person in cyberspace. I carefully choose my words and say something. I stick up for the person being beat over the head with words. Because if I don’t, then who will?

And I will no longer allow comments to remain on my Facebook page or website that tear either myself or other people down. I will not bully others, nor will I participate by remaining quietly on the sidelines.  It stops here, with me.

My friends, do not let other people tear you down. There is a respectful way to disagree with people, and then there is simple bullying to get you to join their side. You can delete the comment. You can leave the conversation. You can close the account. You are not what other people say about you. Let me say that again: You are not what other people say about  you. You are not stupid. You are not a whore. You are not ugly. You are not lazy. You are not a noob.

You are a unique person, created in the image of God who loves you. Your soul matters so much more than your body. You have the potential to change the world simply by allowing God to transform you from the inside out.

You do not need to let other people stomp all over you with their words. You have the power to walk away.

The moment I realized this a couple weeks ago, I found freedom. I was not chained to that comment. And neither are you.

I refuse to be bullied. How about you?

Christian Life, Personal

Sometimes it’s more about the Journey…

6 Comments

When I was a kid, I couldn’t wait for Christmas. Or camp. Or summer to come. Or for school to start. Long car rides to grandma’s house were excruciating. Or waiting for the bell to ring at 3pm.

As an adult, I haven’t changed much. I couldn’t wait to find out the gender of our first child. Or the second, third, or fourth. Then I couldn’t wait for nine months to be over. Or for my kids to be potty trained. Or to go to school.

I couldn’t wait for nap time so I could write. Or for that highly anticipated conference where I could pitch my novel. Or for that letter of acceptance. For that deadline to pass, or that release date.

I seem to always be waiting for something. But it wasn’t until I started biking a year ago that I realized there can by joy in the journey, not just in reaching the destination.

Bike path
Field along bike path.

Near my house is a paved bike path that meanders through the countryside and follows the river in my hometown. It is a beautiful, calming ride. While biking one day, I realized how much I would miss if I was only  focused on getting home. I would miss the turtles sunning themselves by the river. I would miss the way the wind would blow, moving the fields of wheat in waves like the ocean. I would miss the birds singing, or the bullfrogs croaking. I would be missing the wonders of my ride.

Ever since then, I have looked at areas in my life where I find I am in a hurry to reach the end. For example: I wanted to redeem this summer with my family. In the past, I couldn’t wait for everyone to go back to school, partly because I am an introvert and the chaos brought on by four loud, active children in a tiny house can drain me immensely. But this year, I chose instead to spend as much time as I could with them. It wasn’t easy, and I was tuckered out a lot. But I built memories with my kids: memories of bike rides and feeding the neighbor’s horses, of swimming along lazy rivers, of tea parties and baking cookies. The journey was a joy.

Now my kids are in school and I am looking for other ways to enjoy the journey. I have wasted too much of my past waiting for something to come. I want to enjoy what I have now. I want to enjoy the small rental house we have instead of pining for the day I own my own house. I want to enjoy writing the third book in my series instead of getting it done. I want to enjoy my husband and savor the times I have with him. These are the little joys God gives us, only sometimes we are in such a hurry we miss them.

How about you? Do you hurry toward the next thing, or do you savor what you have now? What small thing have you enjoyed today?

Christian Life

Christian Speculative Cons

Leave a comment

Today I am a guest over at Speculative Faith where I talk about the future of Realm Makers: the potential for this burgeoning alliance to grow into a true Christian speculative con. Head on over and join the discussion, especially if you have some ideas for panels, guests, and classes.

See you there!

 

Christian Life, God's Character, Personal

Jesus Wept

3 Comments

WeepingI wrote this post two years ago and still find comfort in the truth I discovered during a dark time in my life: that God still cares about us even when He is working everything for good.

If you have been a Christian for any amount of time, you are told that all things work together for good and God’s glory. The suffering that comes into your life will make you a better person. Just give it to God.

Then you find yourself hit by life. The pain is far beyond what you thought it would be: It goes right to the core of your heart. And suddenly those platitudes you have heard uttered by Christians give no comfort whatsoever. You see no good in what you are going through. And you see God as a stoic being, moving around the pieces of life like a chessboard. You are only a piece to be moved around so God receives the glory.

I felt like this a couple weeks ago. I knew all things work together for good. I knew that my life is not my own, but for God to use for His glory. But I felt like God didn’t feel for me. That God was up above, moving around my life with a look of disinterest. I was only a means to an end. And my suffering meant very little in the grand scheme of things.

Then I read began reading the book of John. And God showed me a picture of himself. Yes, He is orchestrating all of our lives for good and yes, He does all of this for His glory (for when God receives glory, we bask in the warmth). But He is not looking down on us with a stoic expression. He is moved by our hurt.

Sometimes He weeps.

As a child, it was a contest to see who knew the shortest verse in the Bible. And in case you didn’t know, it is “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35). But I never understood the full power of that verse until a couple weeks ago. As I read John 11, I felt moved by the story of Martha and Mary and their brother Lazerus.

Lazerus is deathly sick. So his sisters send word to Jesus. They know Jesus can heal their brother. They have seen His power and miracles. But Jesus never comes. And so Lazerus dies. Can you feel their shock, their feelings of betrayal? Why did Jesus heal so many others but never came to help them, His friends? They bury Lazerus, probably along with their hope.

Now let’s look at Jesus’ point of view. Jesus receives word that Lazerus is deathly ill. But He has a plan: a plan for good and God’s glory. So Jesus waits. And waits. Until Lazerus dies. Then he tells his disciples they must head back to Judea so he can awaken Lazerus.

However, you do not see an unemotional Jesus in this chapter. Look how He responds when he sees Mary and the others who are grieving with her: “When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” (John 11:33). Jesus was moved by the grieving he saw.

They head out to the tomb. And at this point Jesus weeps. He sees the grief and hurt of the people around him. My friends, God sees the hurt and grief going on inside of us too. He is not callous to our battered hearts and lives. Even while God is using us for good and for His glory, I believe He is also weeping with us. We have a God who has also suffered. “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.” (Hebrews 2:18).

Jesus wept. What a powerful verse. Those two simple words opened my eyes. I no longer see God as a stoic being above me, moving around the pieces of my life with a calloused hand. Instead I see a God who weeps with me.

 

Christian Life, Personal

Blessed are the Poor

5 Comments

Budget“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for Him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” Matthew 5:3. (emphasis mine)

I started reading the Beatitudes today and the first one jumped out at me, probably because I’ve been struggling with finances the last few months. Each month I look at what we need, what needs paid, what we have, and ask what can we do without or what can be pushed off until the next month.

Ever been there? Pretty soon, after a couple months of living like this, you start to feel stretched out and stressed. I pinch every penny until it screams (and I start screaming along with it). We are living as frugally as we can, but I start to secretly wish for more. I wish for twenty bucks to take the kids swimming or out for ice cream. I wish I didn’t have to scrutinize every price tag and ask if the need is so great that we simply can’t live without it. I look longingly at what other people have and ask God why I can’t have that too.

You know the one thing I haven’t been doing? Talking to God about it. Instead, I’ve been treading financial waters, trying to stay afloat, keep our family going, and getting angry at everyone around me.

I have probably read the Beatitudes a thousand times, and know God blesses the poor, but today it hit me. There is nothing in that verse that says God will raise us above our need. Instead, it is our need that points us back to Him. We come to the end of ourselves (sometimes doing everything in our own power first, like I am apt to do), just to find He’s been there all along, waiting.

God has never let my family starve. He has always made sure we had a roof over our head (even when it looked like we would lose everything). He has provided for our needs. So why am I worrying? Perhaps it is because I have become discontent. Dan and I work hard, and in America there is this assumption that if you work hard, you will reap. But that is not reality. Reality is Dan is in ministry, not for the paycheck, but for the people. And I don’t write for a paycheck but for the joy of storytelling.

Being poor is not a virtue most people pursue. But it is one God honors. It is easier to realize our need for God when we are poor. We have nothing else. No distractions.

So instead of looking at what I don’t have, today I will turn my gaze on God instead and be thankful for what I do have.

 

Christian Life

What Shape are You?

10 Comments

ShapeFor years, I felt out of place amongst most of the Christian women I knew. Many of them were quiet, submissive ladies who loved to run social events, Bible studies, and church potlucks. I would look at them and wish I could be as loving and thoughtful as they were. Instead I was an analytical, inquisitive, geeky, database-loving gal. And I wondered how could God use a person like me.

Then I was introduced to S.H.A.P.E. and realized God did not make a mistake when He made me. All the eccentric and unique parts of my personality, my past, and my position made me Morgan. I experienced true freedom when I finally embraced who I was.

That is something I am passionate about now: people discovering that, apart from their sin, they are exactly who God made them and there is nothing wrong with that. So let me share S.H.A.P.E. with you.

S: Spiritual Gift. Every single person in Christ is given a gift or an ability that wasn’t there before. Mine happens to be teaching. I hate getting up in front of people and talking. But the moment I am on stage, all fear leaves me. I love presenting God’s Word in a practical way so people can understand God.

H: Heart. What do you love? What are your passions? I love stories, cats, and  junior high students :). Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that. What you love is part of who you are. I love stories, therefore I write. I love junior high, therefore I work in youth ministry.

A: Abilities. What are you good at? Each of us has unique abilities. Some people can cook really well. Others can draw. Some are good at listening, or speaking, or working in the background. I am good at databases and organization (unless my kids are home, then mommy brain sets in ;)). Dan, my husband, is really good at counseling people (he amazes me!). So think about what your unique abilities are.

P: Personality. Not only do we have different passions and abilities, we have different personalities. Outgoing, introvert. Feeler, thinker. I am a thinker-introvert kind of person. I cannot be around people for very long before I am worn out. Now that I know this, I can plan. For instance, Dan and I have discovered if I teach VBS in the summer, he needs to take time off the following week so I can recover (I am usually so drained I can hardly move). There are no bad personalities, only different. And all of them are needed in this world.

E. Experience. You can have two people with the same passions, abilities, and personality, and yet be different because of their experiences. One person might have grown up in the heart of Chicago while the other grew up on a dairy farm in Oregon. Two parents or one parent? Money or no money? Popular or unpopular? Moved a lot or stayed in the same town? I come from a divorced family that moved a lot and didn’t have much money. My experience has helped me reach young people who come from divorced families as well. Our experiences shape us. What experiences have shaped you?

I love how God has uniquely made each and every one of us. We are all needed, we are all special. How about you? What S.H.A.P.E. are you?

Christian Life, God's Character

When God Says No

15 Comments

When God says NoMonths ago I started reading a book. For the life of me, I cannot remember the book or the author. But the author made a statement that has stuck with me ever since: It is easy to have faith when God says yes and everything happens the way you want it to, but it takes a deeper faith when God says no. The moment I read those words, I wanted that kind of faith.

I should know by now to be careful what I wish for. In order to develop a faith strong enough for God to say no, I have to let Him say no. And that’s not easy. In the last few months, I think that is about the only word I have heard from God: no. In big things, like selling our house, to little things, like finding Philip’s lost glasses. I have asked…and not received. After a while, it has weighed down on me and made me ask what is faith really?

I think we subconsciously view faith like this: if I have enough faith, God will do it. If I don’t, then it’s my own fault. And that has paralyzed me. I am a woman of little faith. Some people have the gift of faith. Not me. I have always been a logic, scientific kinda gal. I need to see it to believe it, figure it out, understand how it works, and then I will accept it. So because of my natural inclinations, does that mean I will see less of God’s blessings? Because I don’t have enough faith?

Then it hit me today: that kind of thinking is the same kind as hoping I am good enough for heaven. People who strive to be good enough for God always have a fear in the back of their mind, “Am I good enough?” Same with faith. “Do I have enough faith?” And when a loved one dies, or the bank takes the house, or you lose your job after praying hard on your knees, you can’t help but think you didn’t have enough faith, so God didn’t provide.

But in the end, doesn’t that place everything on ourselves? That we need to first have faith, then God will work?

Perhaps our view of faith is wrong. It is not about what God does, but who He is. Because if our faith is set on what He does, then we are going to be disappointed. But if our faith is set on who He is, then we will be confident no matter what happens because we know that He is in control. When He says no, we will not be shaken. We will  believe He has a reason for saying no, a reason we may not see or understand (after all, if we truly understood everything God did, then He wouldn’t be much of a god, would He?).

I still have a ways to go in developing this kind of faith, a faith placed squarely on God. But I want it. And I will continue to pursue it.

How about you? Has God told you no before? How did you react? Was it hard? Did your faith grow from the experience?

Christian Life

What is Faith?

3 Comments

I have been thinking about the meaning of faith lately and came across an old post of mine. Here it is and I hope to follow up on more thoughts on the matter next week:

Here is a quote I came across a couple months ago: Faith is not believing God can, but that God will!

But what if He doesn’t?

I couldn’t help but look at those words and ask what about the people who have lost loved ones? Or parents who prayed and prayed for their child to live, but their child died anyway? Or the man who lost his job and eventually his home?

Did they not have enough faith? Did they not pray enough? Or is faith something more?

Last year I found my faith stretching beyond anything I had ever known. For the first time in my life, I believed God could do anything, not just with my head, but with my heart. That faith carried me through some of the darkest moments of my life… until nothing happened.

God didn’t come through.

I couldn’t believe it. It was the biggest letdown ever. I had prayed, prostrated myself before God, and thought for sure that God was behind us. But He didn’t show up.

I felt alone and devastated. Was my little kernel of faith just not big enough? Mentally and emotionally I felt like I was being sucked down into a vortex of darkness. Could I trust God anymore? And what is faith really?

It was the story of three men that made me start to think there is more to faith than just believing God will do something. The men’s names were Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. Most people know them by Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They were three young men taken captive by King Nebuchadnezzar and sent off to Babylon where they served him.

In Daniel chapter 3, Nebuchadnezzar creates a statue of gold and commands his people to bow and worship it when the music starts to play. The music plays, and everyone bows… except for those 3 men.

They are brought before Nebuchadnezzar. He tells them he will give them a second chance. But if they fail to obey and bow down, he will throw them into the blazing furnace. “And then what god will be able to rescue you from my power?” (Daniel 3:15)

Here is their response: ”O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.

But even if He doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18).

Did you catch that? These men knew God could save them. They had faith. But their faith wasn’t based on what God would do; it was based on God Himself. That is why they could say even if He doesn’t. Even if God did not save them, they would still follow Him and not bow down. They completely put their faith in God to do whatever God was going to do, even if God’s plan did not include saving them.

Wow.

Do I put my faith only in what God is going to do? Or simply in God Himself? Do I trust God so much that I place myself in His Hands and know that no matter how dark the outcome, He has a reason for it?

That is a different kind of faith than the quote up above. A faith that has allowed Christians in the past to face torture and death. One that allows me now to see beyond my current circumstances. A faith in God alone, not in just the outcome we want from Him.

Christian Life

Learning to be Content

10 Comments

When Dan and I first married, we bought a house near family. It was a nice split level at the end of the street. It needed some work, but it was our home and I loved it. For a while. But soon my heart began to wander. I wanted more than what we had.

Multnomah FallsA couple years later, we moved to Portland. I loved Portland! All the culture, all the things to do, and all the rain. I love rain 🙂 But after a year, my heart started wandering again. City life was not enough. I wanted more.

Then we moved to the Oregon coast. We lived only five miles from the beach. Almost everyday I would take long walks on the beach or explore the lush, green forest that grew behind the house we lived in. But I was not content. I wanted more.

A short while later, we moved to the middle of the United States. Because of the drastic difference in house prices between the Pacific Northwest and the Midwest, we were able to buy our dream home: a two story brick home at the end of a cul-de-sac with a white picket fence. Surely I would be content, right?

Then Dan lost his job. Sometimes it takes losing everything to realize what you really have.

We now live in Kansas, in a small house. And you know what? I love this small house. My family is here. My heart is here. Sure, I could use a little more counter space in the kitchen, but I can honestly say I haven’t once thought about leaving. It took God moving me across the country and trying out everything I thought my heart desired to realize that contentment comes from being thankful for what you have, big or little.

How about you? Do you struggle with being content with what you have?