Where is God when it hurts?

I had a review come in the other day where the reader really struggled with where Daughter of Light was going. Eventually she gave up and put the book away. As I glanced over her review, I was struck by the irony that if she had just continued on to one more chapter, she would have realized the point of the book. She would have reached the chapter where Rowen finally meets the Word and finds her strength in Him. Sadly, all the reader saw was the darkness and the hurt and the anger that my characters were going through and never went far enough to see the light and hope.

Isn’t that how life is sometimes? Sometimes the paths God takes us down are dark and hard. There is a reason that David in Psalm 23 calls that place “the valley of the shadow of death.” As we continue down into the valley, everything becomes darker and darker until we come to a point where everything inside of us is screaming for us to turn back and give up. But it’s usually at that very point where we are almost through the valley. The light is just up ahead. We just need to take a couple more steps.

I’m writing this post to remind us not to give up. Many of my friends are going through some dark valleys right now: unemployment, the death of a child, sickness, and life-altering change. Those are some very hard paths to walk. Sometimes you wish you could turn around and run back to the way life was before the valley. Or you’re just so tired that all you want to do is collapse and cry on the valley floor.

Don’t give up! There is light ahead. It may not be the outcome desired, but there will be renewal. There will be strength. There will be hope. There we will finally see God and realize He’s been walking with us the whole time.

Don’t stop one chapter short. The next chapter may very well be the one that gives you light and hope.

DoL Dark

I wrote this post two years ago and still find comfort in the truth I discovered during a dark time in my life: that God still cares about us even when He is working everything for good.

If you have been a Christian for any amount of time, you are told that all things work together for good and God’s glory. The suffering that comes into your life will make you a better person. Just give it to God.

Then you find yourself hit by life. The pain is far beyond what you thought it would be: It goes right to the core of your heart. And suddenly those platitudes you have heard uttered by Christians give no comfort whatsoever. You see no good in what you are going through. And you see God as a stoic being, moving around the pieces of life like a chessboard. You are only a piece to be moved around so God receives the glory.

I felt like this a couple weeks ago. I knew all things work together for good. I knew that my life is not my own, but for God to use for His glory. But I felt like God didn’t feel for me. That God was up above, moving around my life with a look of disinterest. I was only a means to an end. And my suffering meant very little in the grand scheme of things.

Then I read began reading the book of John. And God showed me a picture of himself. Yes, He is orchestrating all of our lives for good and yes, He does all of this for His glory (for when God receives glory, we bask in the warmth). But He is not looking down on us with a stoic expression. He is moved by our hurt.

Sometimes He weeps.

As a child, it was a contest to see who knew the shortest verse in the Bible. And in case you didn’t know, it is “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35). But I never understood the full power of that verse until a couple weeks ago. As I read John 11, I felt moved by the story of Martha and Mary and their brother Lazerus.

Lazerus is deathly sick. So his sisters send word to Jesus. They know Jesus can heal their brother. They have seen His power and miracles. But Jesus never comes. And so Lazerus dies. Can you feel their shock, their feelings of betrayal? Why did Jesus heal so many others but never came to help them, His friends? They bury Lazerus, probably along with their hope.

Now let’s look at Jesus’ point of view. Jesus receives word that Lazerus is deathly ill. But He has a plan: a plan for good and God’s glory. So Jesus waits. And waits. Until Lazerus dies. Then he tells his disciples they must head back to Judea so he can awaken Lazerus.

However, you do not see an unemotional Jesus in this chapter. Look how He responds when he sees Mary and the others who are grieving with her: “When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled.” (John 11:33). Jesus was moved by the grieving he saw.

They head out to the tomb. And at this point Jesus weeps. He sees the grief and hurt of the people around him. My friends, God sees the hurt and grief going on inside of us too. He is not callous to our battered hearts and lives. Even while God is using us for good and for His glory, I believe He is also weeping with us. We have a God who has also suffered. “Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested.” (Hebrews 2:18).

Jesus wept. What a powerful verse. Those two simple words opened my eyes. I no longer see God as a stoic being above me, moving around the pieces of my life with a calloused hand. Instead I see a God who weeps with me.

In Darkness there is Light