I have a post up at Hoosier Ink today. I talk about how I need God with the pressures I face as a writer. http://hoosierink.blogspot.com/2011/12/god.html
Tag Archives: God
Thanksgiving
2011 has been a hard year for my family. So when Thanksgiving rolled around, it was difficult at first to get past all the bad things to see the good. But as soon as I started, it was like a thousands lights filling my soul. I realized that despite circumstances, God has given me so much to be thankful for.
First, I am thankful for my family. Three years ago, on the morning after Thanksgiving, my youngest son almost died. During that frantic car ride to the hospital, I believe he did. But God had compassion on my family and gave us Caleb back. We were shipped from hospital to hospital until Caleb and I were life-flighted up to Portland. None of the doctors could explain why our son went from healthy to dying in 12 hours. I don’t think we will ever know. But every time I looked at my son’s face, I am so thankful God let that little boy live. And not just Caleb, I am thankful for all my family. We are healthy and we are together.
Secondly, I am thankful for a home, food, and clothes. For the last couple months, Dan has been without a job. It has not been easy. But God has taken care of our every need. We still have a roof over our head. We have food to eat. We have clothes. We had a family give us a dryer when ours went out and we could not afford to get it fixed. We had someone else give us money to help get tires for our van (they were getting threadbare). I am thankful to God for meeting our needs.
On that note, I am thankful for my job. It came just when we needed it most. Through my job I have been able to help my family. Its also nice to have a job that I like going to every day. I hope someday to be back home, but working outside the home has given me a greater appreciation for what I had before and for those women who don’t have a choice but to work. Its hard to have a foot in both worlds, trust me, I know!
Most people never live to see a dream fulfilled, but this year I saw mine. At the 
end of July I signed my very first book contract. And not only that, but I signed with the publishing company I wanted, Marcher Lord Press. My first book, Daughter of Light, will release Spring 2012. That is definitely something to be thankful for :).
Early this year, Dan and I met a couple who became very dear friends to us. They have prayed for us, cried with us, and helped us during this dark time in our lives. That and they are as geeky as we are (and play a mean hand of cards :P). I am thankful for friends who when the storm clouds come, they stand right beside you.
I am also thankful for my husband Dan. He is a man of integrity, respect, and love; a man I am not ashamed to lift up before my children as an example to follow. No, he’s not perfect (trust me, I live with the guy), but I couldn’t have asked for a better companion in life. God blessed me when He brought Dan into my life.
Lastly, I am thankful for God. I do not list him last because he is least important on my thankful list, but rather because God is the one that holds everything I am and am thankful for. Without him, the rest of my list would not exist. He is the Light in my Darkness, my Defender, my Hope when all hope is gone, and the only One who could save my soul. Why God loves me with all the ick that dwells inside of me I will never know. But He does. And I am so thankful for that.
Sometimes there are No Answers
I like answers. I want to know why something works, what happens when you do X, and how can I get the best outcome. I tend to get to the point, whether it has to do with work, solving a problem, or with relationships (about drove my husband mad with this early on :)). So when life doesn’t compute, I want answers.
Unfortunately, sometimes there are no answers to why things happen.
I struggled with this over the past year. Most of the time I can find an explanation on why God allows something to happen. You know, the usual answers: to grow us, to prepare us for a greater blessing, fill in the blank. But none of those answers seemed sufficient for the pain and tears shed over the last several months. I wanted to know why. I wanted a reason so I could close those doors, heal, and move on.
Did God let Dan lose his job because He has something better planned? Why did it feel God was leading us to church plant, to then not have it work out? Why do bad things happen to people who want to follow God’s plan?
I will admit this past year shook my faith down to its very core. I could feel the darkness closing in on me. I cried out to God, but couldn’t seem to hear Him. I felt alone and cold spiritually.
Now some people will say you should never question God. I believe its better to be honest with God. David was honest with God in the Psalms. Jeremiah the prophet was honest with God. God knows my heart and can see the hurt and confusion already inside. Through honesty comes truth. And with truth comes answers.
A couple weeks ago, I had my answer: that sometimes there are no answers. I could feel in my heart that God had been patient with me, but it had come to the point that I needed to let go; I would not have the answers to why things happened the way they did this year. Why? Because God is God and I am me.
In that moment, I caught an awe and terrifying glimpse of God. We, or at least I, forget how much bigger, how much smarter, how much more God knows than I do. He is running this entire universe, watching over lives, creating divine intersections, moving things along on a scale that I can’t even comprehend. So when He says that all things work together for good, even if I can’t see it, He does, and I need to trust that. So I let go.
I may have my answers someday, perhaps in heaven. But I have a feeling that by then, I’m not going to care. Why? I’ll finally be in God’s presence and that will be all I need.
Is it Wrong to be Rich?
What do you think? After all, Jesus said blessed are the poor. Right?
But what about people like Abraham, Job, and King David? These men were rich, even famous for how rich they were. However, there is one thing I notice. These men did not follow their riches. They followed God. So is it wrong to be rich? No. But God does have some specific instructions for those who are rich:
“Teach those who are rich in this world not to be proud and not to trust in their money, which is so unreliable. Their trust should be in God, who richly gives us all we need for our enjoyment. Tell them to use their money to do good. They should be rich in good works and generous to those in need, always being ready to share with others. By doing this they will be storing up their treasure as a good foundation for the future so that they may experience true life. (1 Timothy 6:17-19 NLT).
Now notice Paul doesn’t say save six months of your salary or save up for that car. He says not to trust in money, but in God (I find it too easy sometimes to trust in a savings account than God). Instead, Paul instructs those who are rich to use their money for good, to do good works, to be generous to those in need, to share with others. I like to call it Wild Abandon Giving (WAG for short).
When you WAG, the Bible says you will experience true life. Think about that for a moment. Isn’t that like God to turn upside down what the world says? Instead of saving and buying what you want, give; give it all away. Do good works. Be generous. WAG! And you will experience true life.
You know, I am rich, so Paul’s words are for me too. I have a roof over my head and food to eat three times a day. My children are receiving an education and I even have Internet so I can blog.
I’ll admit, it can be hard to WAG when the bills come in. But I realized a couple days after Dan lost his job that I did not want fear of the future to stop me from being generous now.
And you know what, God doesn’t want me to stop being generous either. If I WAG (Wild Abandon Giving), He will take care of my needs. So how about you? Are you ready to start WAGGING :)?
The Emotional Christian
I currently finished a book that both reinforced what I have learned the last few years and challenged me to take the next step. I won’t give away the title yet, that’s for next week’s blog. But the topic this book touched on is emotional maturity.
Huh? What? Yeah, I never heard that term before either. But once I started reading this book, I knew what the author was talking about. It is something I have come to learn in my own Christian walk: the need to be honest with both God and ourselves.
More often than not, we as Christians are encouraged to take care of ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually. We need to live a balanced life. But rarely are we encouraged to take a look at the emotional part of our lives or how to balance it.
I think this is because this is a subject we don’t even realize exists. We are so busy putting our lives in order, exercising and eating right, making sure we have time for our daily devotion, reading to keep mentally fit (you are reading, right?), but we seldom if ever slow down to take stock of where we are at emotionally.
Why is that? After all, we feel everyday. Perhaps it is because of busyness. Or perhaps it is because we have no idea how integrated feelings are in our lives. Perhaps it is because we subconsciously see emotions as a pediment to a stronger Christian walk. After all, mature Christians don’t get angry, depressed, or lonely. That’s too close to sin, right?
Wrong.
We ignore the stirrings inside our hearts. We do not face them. We do not acknowledge them. And in doing so, we are not being truthful with ourselves and with God. God knows how we are feeling. He’s even been there. Jesus was fully human. He wept (look at how he reacted when Lazarus died), he was angry (yep, remember when he cleansed out the temple?), he felt anguish (in the Garden of Gethsemane). Yet I think we think of Jesus being more God than man. A stoic teacher above such base feelings.
Feelings are not a bad thing. After all, God did not make a mistake when he made humans and put feelings inside of them. It’s what we do with them. But we can’t do anything with them if we don’t even acknowledge our feelings in the first place. And many times we are too busy, too scared, or too uncomfortable to take a deeper look at what’s going on inside of us.
Next week I will share the book that prompted such thoughts. So stay tuned!
God, the Author of our Lives
I have been writing for a couple years now (make that seven this up coming spring). During those years I have wrestled with characters, plots, journeys, and climaxes. I have placed obstacles before my main character so that she can grow, become stronger, and ready to face the next set of trials I have for her. Then it hit me one day. These things I do as a writer, God does with us in real life.
As the Author, God is in complete control of our lives. He knows the beginning and He knows how it’s going to end. He knows what needs to be placed in our lives to untangle that knot of sin inside of us, to make us more like His Son. He brings other people (characters) alongside of us. Some of these people help us on our journey; some of them try to hinder us. But God provides a way for us to stay on the right path.
God also knows what lies ahead of us. He will even place trials in our lives to make us stronger and ready to face the next chapter. But through the whole story, the Author (our God) is with us. He isn’t just watching our story unfold; he is guiding it, moving it along. He is intimately a part of it.
Nothing that happens to us takes God by surprise. I’m sure if my own characters could talk to me, they would ask me why all this stuff is happening to them. But I see the end. I know what the villains are planning, and if they were allowed to continue, would bring great suffering to the world. Therefore my characters need to be ready to step up when the time comes.
As a character in God’s story, I find myself asking the same thing: why is all this happening to me? But unlike my characters, I know the Author of my life. He’s writing the entire story. He sees how my life will intersect with the lives of others and how those meetings will change us both. Each thread in the story God is weaving together for the ultimate ending.
Every one of us is an important part of the story of Life. The story would be incomplete if even one of us is absent. So when the dark times come, know this: God sees how it’s all going to work out in the end. He has a plan and we are all a part of it. And when God writes The End, the story will be a masterpiece that will leave us in awe and bring Him glory.
Contrasting God and Santa
You better watch out. You better not cry. Better not pout. I’m telling you why. Santa Claus is coming to town.
My children were watching the old claymation Santa Claus is Coming to Town the other night. As I listened to the story and heard the song, something struck me. I found myself grateful God isn’t like Santa.
Haha! Funny, right? Look at the lyrics. You better do this; you better not do that because Santa is coming! I have a suspicion that Santa was a means for parents to get their children to behave. “Susie, if you keep throwing a fit, Santa won’t bring you anything this year.” “Tommy, if you hit your sister again, Santa won’t bring you anything.” So for decades children have tried to behave during this time of year in hopes that if they are good enough, they will have presents under the tree.
But have any of us ever been good enough? I know I’ve cried. I’ve lost my temper. I’ve been a little less than loving towards those who cut in front of me in line as I try to get out of the store during the Christmas chaos. He knows when you are sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake! Oops! Santa saw! And now there will be coal for me in the stocking.
God sees too (much more than Santa sees). And he sees all the darkness inside our hearts. But did God leave coal for us on Christmas? Nope. Despite our crying, our pouting, our anger and hateful hearts, he still gave us a gift. The gift of his son Jesus. Jesus came so that we could be saved from our sin. You see, no amount of being good on our part could ever be good enough. So God himself stepped in, took our place, freed us from the bondage of sin, healed our hearts, gave us hope. God gives a us a gift apart from how good or bad we are. It is free for the taking. Jesus died for our sins. Will you accept his gift?
“’Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” Luke 2:10,11
No Faith, Know Faith Part 3
Faith? Know Faith? No Faith? How do you grow that seed of faith inside of you? The moment I realized I had no faith was a turning point in my relationship with God. It was the first time I was honest-truly honest, with both God and myself. Honesty in a relationship creates a healthier relationship, as long as the problems brought up are dealt with. The same goes with our relationship with God.
God is big enough to handle our tears, our questions of why, and anger. But we can’t stop there. I know too many Christians who stay in their anger with God. You have to move on. You have to work through those emotions. And through that work, our faith grows.
How do you work out your faith? How do you work through the crisis that brought you to the point that you realize you have no faith?
I have learned I need to first read the Bible. Yep, that age old admonition. There came a crisis in my own life where my family was deeply hurt by a pastor in the church. When confronted and the elders told of this man’s actions, nothing was done about it. I was so mad and asked God why he let this wicked man stay in his position while my family paid heavily for the consequences of his sinful actions.
I started reading the book of Psalms and found David could put into words what I was thinking. David asked the same things I was…why do wicked men prosper and where was God in that. I found comfort knowing I wasn’t the only one who had ever felt this way. I also knew (from reading God’s Word) I needed to give up my anger and let God (in his time) deal with this man. To my knowledge, nothing has ever happened as far as consequences, but I do know that someday he will stand before God for what he did. And if I had held onto my bitterness, I would have also had to stand before God.
But it doesn’t stop with reading your Bible! Reading helps you know what God says, but your faith won’t grow much if you don’t obey what you read. I knew that if I held onto my anger, it would poison me. Was it easy? NO WAY! I struggled daily, sometimes hourly begging God to help me not to hate that man. And you know what? It eventually became easier until the day came when the hurt faded into faint thin emotional scar. I realized I could trust God when he says not to let bitterness dwell in your heart. He was right. And my faith grew.
Lastly, faith is taking a step. It’s a step no one can take for you but yourself. Let me say that again. It’s a step no one can take for you but yourself. It’s making the choice to believe what God says and then do it. Every time the doubts come up, you pray. You plead with God to help you stand firm. You read in the Bible and begin to see how much God cares about you and has a plan that you will never fully see until you reach heaven. But you know that your part is important and you trust that what God throws at you, it’s for a reason.
“For we live by believing and not by seeing.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NLT)
No Faith, Know Faith Part 2
I shared a couple weeks ago the moment I realized I had no faith. Later that day I had someone email me and say they were struggling with their faith and asked for advice. What do you do if you find yourself in crisis mode and suddenly realize the faith you thought you had doesn’t exist?
First, I want to make a distinct between “Saving Faith” and the faith I talked about not having a couple weeks ago. Can you truly lose your faith? No. You are saved forever. That faith you had the moment you believed in God’s gift of salvation is there permanently. It’s like a little seed inside you. But that seed has to grow. And you may find in your moment of crisis that your seed of faith is so small it seems nonexistent. That’s one reason trials come into our lives, to grow that seed, to stretch those faith muscles and make them strong, to help us see that God is real and that he can be trusted.
So how do you rediscover (or grow) your faith when you find you have none? The first thing I’ve come to realize about faith is it’s not a light switch. You can’t just flip the switch and tada you have faith (at least I’ve never been able to do that lol). It’s a learning process that starts by making the small choices to trust God.
Secondly, I believe God is big enough to handle our questions. I’m one of those people that needs to know why I believe what I believe. I remember one time wrestling with prayer. If someone wasn’t healed, was it because that was God’s will, did my prayer not “take,” or was prayer just a fluke? (yeah, that’s the question I really had a hard time with for many months).
But even as I wrestled with that prayer issue and if God even heard us, there was something deep inside of me that could not let go of God. He was there, like an anchor inside my soul while up above on the surface I wrestled with the storms in my life. I can’t explain it; I just knew somewhere deep inside of me that God was there. I just needed to work out this issue of my faith.
So how do you work out your faith? What journey did God take me on to grow my own faith? I’ll share my experience next week.
No Faith, Know Faith
I remember the day when I realized I had no faith in God. We had just moved to Portland a couple weeks earlier and found out we were pregnant. Prior to this pregnancy I had gone through a devastating miscarriage and was still feeling the repercussions from it. I feared I would lose this baby too.
We had no medical insurance and were in the midst of trying to find some. Unfortunately, my status as expecting mother made me an existing condition so no one would take us. I finally went to see a doctor as the second trimester approached just to make sure everything was all right. That’s when we received the big news: you’re having twins!
Now we needed medical insurance more than ever. I knew a twin pregnancy would not be normal. Finally we found someone who could help us out. Then the bomb dropped. We had to get the paperwork in that day in order to get the insurance because our 60 days was about to elapse (for those who have never had to fill out the paperwork for private insurance, they can make doing taxes look easy lol). Of course, we found that out only a couple hours before the deadline.
With Dan busy with his new job and me trying to move into our new house, juggle two toddlers and deal with twin size morning sickness, I felt something snap inside of me. We weren’t going to make the deadline.
Suddenly I saw our future loom in front of us, full of medical bills we couldn’t possibly pay. And in that moment I realized something else: I didn’t believe God would come through for me. I stood there, staring at the wall and felt the truth of that thought shake me to my core. I had no faith in God.
If you had asked me before that moment, I would have said of course I have faith in God. But now I realize that for years I had worked under the subconscious impression that everything happened because of hard work with a little luck thrown in. I had always been able to take care of myself.
But this insurance situation was way out of my hands. I could not work hard enough. Actually, I couldn’t work at all, not with two little ones needing me at home and two more on the way.
I felt deep shame when I realized I had no faith. What kind of Christian was I? Little did I know that moment was the beginning of God tearing away all my securities until all I had left was Him.
God did come through for us. The paperwork made it in minutes before the deadline. And as a cherry on top, we had a pretty uneventful twin pregnancy. But God wasn’t done yet. My faith muscles were weak. They needed to be trained. So a year later, Dan lost his job.
That story is for another day. But during that dark year, my faith muscles were worked out to the max. Everything I had put my security in to save me fell through. We had no home, no close friends, not even a church family. All I had was God. And He showed me he could be trusted. No, He didn’t come through in the way I thought he should. But he always came through.
My faith had grown enough that a year later when my son had to be life flighted to Portland, I had someone ask me how we were going to pay the medical bills. I didn’t even blink when I said God knew this was going to happen and has something planned to take care of those bills. And you know what? He did. Just not in the way I thought he would 😉
I don’t believe faith is the absence of fear but rather the belief in something greater than what you fear. I still fear things all the time. Trust me, I wish I could turn that emotion off. But then I look at God and I see something greater than what I fear.
Or perhaps I should say I feel God. After all, faith is like being blind. We can’t see what’s ahead of us or even around us. But in the dark I can feel God’s hand on my life and I can hear his voice. He won’t let me fall, not if I cling to him.
“Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NLT)
Morgan L. Busse 