Tag Archives: God

Christian Life

A Story of Greed

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There once was a little deformed creature that lived inside my heart. I rarely saw him; he preferred to live in a tiny out-of-the way hole inside my chest. He was smaller than his other brothers and therefore was usually able to perform his wicked deeds below my radar.

His name was Greed.

He seemed harmless enough. He never bit my hand and he actually made me feel secure. He told me if I had money in my savings account, then I could face anything life threw at me. He whispered how nice that new shirt would feel or how cool I would be with that cell phone over there. When money issues were brought up at church, he would remind me that I had responsibilities first and needed to pay the bills at home. Besides, God doesn’t need my money? Right?

I began to realize just how dangerous he was when I found my heart attaching to the things around me. My house, my car, the new dishware. He had thrown out ropes from my heart and wrapped them around the objects around me… and I never knew. Until those things were taken away.

And then I felt the pain of Greed.

Have you ever felt that? The roaring inside your heart when something you like is taken away or destroyed? The car gets scratched, the kids draw all over the walls, the dog throws up on the couch. My heartstrings were attached to the things of this world. And it was time for God to get out the scissors.

Snip. Snip. There went the house. Snip. There went the savings account. Snip. Snip. There went the TV, the furniture, the dishware. God took everything away (or put it in a storage shed) when my husband was unemployed. I was stripped down to nothing but the clothes I had and my computer (God didn’t take that away lol). But I have learned a huge lesson during those times God has used the scissors:

Greed lied to me. And Greed hurt me.

Nice salaries, large bank accounts, a hefty retirement (or even being debt free) is not a security in life. God is.

A beautiful home, nice cars, the latest cell phone, designer clothes only bring temporary pleasure. But God brings a fullness to life that nothing in this world can give.

But I don’t have any of those things, you might think. Yeah, actually, neither did I. But you don’t need things in order for Greed to move in and start attaching your heart to this world. You just need to want them, hold them tightly when you finally do, and roar when someone or something takes them away.

The poorest person in the world can still have Greed living in their heart. And the richest person can be free of the bondage of Greed. Why? Greed has nothing to do with possessions or money, it has to do with the heart (where Greed likes to live).

So how do you kick Greed out of its hidey-hole?

Well, you could get rid of everything you have. I wonder if Jesus saw a major infestation of Greed when the rich young man ran up to him and asked how he could inherit eternal life (Mark 10:17-27). Greed may be small, but the ropes it uses to tie us to the world can be iron solid. I love how Mark says, “Looking at the man, Jesus felt genuine love for him”. God doesn’t want Greed to stay in our hearts. In fact, Greed can keep us from experiencing the true fullness God wants to give us. Mark ends with saying, “At this, the man’s face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.”

Getting rid of everything may be a bit farfetched, but here a couple more doable ideas:

1)   Ask God to reveal Greed. Like I said, he’s small and seems relatively harmless. So we need God to shine the light on his hole and expose him for what he really is.

2)   Give away stuff. There is nothing like thinking about giving away something to get Greed to come tearing out of his hole and shouting why you should keep it.

3)   Tithe. Yep, tithe. I have come to believe that tithing is like taking a pill to keep the Greed away. You give to God and His church every week with joy and Greed just can’t stand that. Why? Because I believe giving then trickles into the rest of your life. You start giving stuff away. You give money to other things. And the ropes Greed was using to attach you to this world strain under that weight until they snap and you find yourself free.

And lastly, think about a big fire. When Greed comes knocking on my door, I imagine everything burning up (ok, yeah, there is a bit of a pyro in me). But the truth is, everything is going to burn in the end. And we can’t take the stuff of this world with us when we die. So then why let Greed have his way and tie me to things that are not going to last? I’d rather have the freedom God gives and His fullness and pleasure. So snip away God, snip away. And Greed be gone!

 

(*Originally posted August 2010).

 

Christian Life, God's Character

What is Faith?

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Here is a quote I came across a couple months ago: Faith is not believing God can, but that God will!

But what if He doesn’t?

I couldn’t help but look at those words and ask what about the people who have lost loved ones? Or parents who prayed and prayed for their child to live, but their child died anyway? Or the man who lost his job and eventually his home?

Did they not have enough faith? Did they not pray enough? Or is faith something more?

Last year I found my faith stretching beyond anything I had ever known. For the first time in my life, I believed God could do anything, not just with my head, but with my heart. That faith carried me through some of the darkest moments of my life… until nothing happened.

God didn’t come through.

I couldn’t believe it. It was the biggest letdown ever. I had prayed, prostrated myself before God, and thought for sure that God was behind us. But He didn’t show up.

I felt alone and devastated. Was my little kernel of faith just not big enough? Mentally and emotionally I felt like I was being sucked down into a vortex of darkness. Could I trust God anymore? And what is faith really?

It was the story of three men that made me start to think there is more to faith than just believing God will do something. The men’s names were Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. Most people know them by Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. They were three young men taken captive by King Nebuchadnezzar and sent off to Babylon where they served him.

In Daniel chapter 3, Nebuchadnezzar creates a statue of gold and commands his people to bow and worship it when the music starts to play. The music plays, and everyone bows… except for those 3 men.

They are brought before Nebuchadnezzar. He tells them he will give them a second chance. But if they fail to obey and bow down, he will throw them into the blazing furnace. “And then what god will be able to rescue you from my power?” (Daniel 3:15)

Here is their response: ”O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God whom we serve is able to save us. He will rescue us from your power, Your Majesty.

But even if He doesn’t, we want to make it clear to you, Your Majesty, that we will never serve your gods or worship the gold statue you have set up.” (Daniel 3:16-18).

Did you catch that? These men knew God could save them. They had faith. But their faith wasn’t based on what God would do; it was based on God Himself. That is why they could say even if He doesn’t. Even if God did not save them, they would still follow Him and not bow down. They completely put their faith in God to do whatever God was going to do, even if God’s plan did not include saving them.

Wow.

Do I put my faith only in what God is going to do? Or simply in God Himself? Do I trust God so much that I place myself in His Hands and know that no matter how dark the outcome, He has a reason for it?

That is a different kind of faith than the quote up above. A faith that has allowed Christians in the past to face torture and death. One that allows me now to see beyond my current circumstances. A faith in God alone, not in just the outcome we want from Him.

Personal

Lessons Learned from a Guinea Pig

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Vanilla and Butterscotch

Butterscotch and Vanilla. No, they’re not flavors, they are the names of my two guinea pigs. Vanilla, the white one, is very vocal. He squeals whenever the refrigerator opens because he thinks I am going to get him carrots. He also loves to be petted and purrs loudly whenever I do so.

Butterscotch, on the other hand, is a very quiet pig. He looks around with inquisitive pink eyes and never lets his guard down. I can count on one hand how many times he has purred for me (and they were very quiet purrs).

As I petted them one day, I realized something: how such two small creatures had such different personalities. And it made me think of God. God could have made the whole world with only a few varieties of animals and we would have never known. But no, He created a vast amount of life, each unique.

Then I thought about how God could have given each animal a bland personality. You know, all dogs the same, all horses the same, all mice the same. But instead, He infused each animal with his or her own personality and quirks. He placed his fingertip on each animal and left it unique and special, all for His glory.

I stopped petting Butterscotch and Vanilla. Butterscotch looked at me while Vanilla tried to position his body under my hand again.  I looked at them and felt such awe at a God who is so connected with His creation. Even the smallest detail never escapes His eye.

Amazing how God uses two little guinea pigs to reveal Himself to me :).

 

*Originally posted July 2, 2010

Christian Life

Twilight

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Dan and I love to read books together and discuss them. We have read Harry Potter together, many of the Star Wars together, Artemis Fowl, Percy Jackson, etc… When I decided to read Twilight to see what all the hoopla was about, Dan read that series as well.

I found it was not as bad as people were saying. The writing aspect of the book accomplished what it was suppose to: create a powerful, emotional experience and explore the question, “What if a vampire loved me?”

But the question Dan and I talked about was the appeal. Why were millions of girls (and mothers) swooning over this series? Dan, I think, came up with the best answer: because we long to be loved by something we perceive is so much greater than ourselves.

Bella is a klutzy, moody, average looking teenage girl. She isn’t on the cheerleading squad and she isn’t class president. She comes from a divorced family and goes to live with her father in the backwoods of Washington. There is nothing special about her.

But for some reason, she is the only one who attracts Edward, a handsome and most desirable vampire.

I think every woman feels this way to some extent: that there is nothing special about her. Average, perhaps klutzy, moderately smart, and maybe only good at cooking. But secretly, inside her heart, she wishes to be something more. To be special enough to attract the one man/attention/award/_____ everyone wants.

Now I’m not going to end this post saying that something special is offered to every woman (and man), even though it’s true. We are sought and loved by something much greater than ourselves. God. But it is one thing to know God loves us in our heads, and to learn to embrace that truth in our hearts.

I’ll be honest. I’m still learning to embrace that. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to have a handsome vampire fall for me than to have faith in a God who I cannot see and believe that He loved me enough to die for me. Why? Because I could see it. Faith is hard, my friends!

But if you compare the two loves, even though God’s love is invisible to the eye, it is way better than the love of a vampire ;).

Christian Life, Personal

I Have Stubbornness Issues

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For any of you who have watched How to Train Your Dragon, you’ll recognize my post title (actually, the exact quote is “Vikings have stubbornness issues”). Lots of good quotes in that movie. If you haven’t seen it, you need to check it out.

Anyway, this quote always stuck with me for two reasons: a)most of my family is Norwegian descent, thus making me viking, right? 😛 and b) I definitely have stubbornness issues.

I have a hard time letting go. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes that’s a bad thing.

How can stubbornness be good? It can give you the willpower to keep going when you want to give up. Its that inner drive that won’t let you let go until you reach the end.

It’s what helped me work the last six months when I didn’t want to get up in the morning and had to say good-bye to my kids. I knew that what I did benefited my family at the time. It’s also what has kept me writing the last eight years (and keeps me from highlighting the entire manuscript and hitting the delete button :)).

But stubbornness can can also be bad. Sometimes you do need to let go. There are times when I need to let an issue drop and move on. Or realize I won’t have all the answers as to why something happened.

For example, I’ve been working on my edits the last couple weeks. I try and do a chapter a day. I was working on a more difficult chapter and the day was slowly slipping away. At that point, I should have realized that I needed to walk away and take a break. Spend time with my family. Instead, I hunkered down over my computer and pressed on.

I finished my chapter that day. But I also missed opportunities with my family. Was it worth it? Not in my opinion. When I was tempted to do that again, I walked away from my computer and finished later on that night, after the kids were in bed.

That’s when I don’t like being stubborn. Because it’s hard for me to let go. I can get tunnel vision and press on, to the detriment of those around me. But it can also be a good thing, giving me the power to press on. I think in the end, I need to listen when God (and others) speak and say it’s time to let go.

I have stubbornness issues. And yes, I gestured to all of me 😉

 

 

 

 

Personal

Working Mother

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The last six months have taught me a lot about a world that, before Dan lost his job, I knew very little of personally. You see, I have been blessed to be able to stay at home and raise my little ones. Sure, I worked a couple months after Philip was born, but it wasn’t the same. When I entered the workforce six months ago, I had four kids close in age and no end in sight when I would be home again. I was officially a working mom.

Here are some things I learned while living in the world of the working mother:

1)   It’s hard! You feel this pull inside of you: you want to be home with your children but you also know that what you are doing helps your family stay afloat during financial hard times. I didn’t meet one working mom who didn’t wish she could be home with her kids.

2)   Balance. You have to learn to balance work, family, and husband. You learn to put aside anything that takes away from those because you simply do not have the time to do anything else. It was during those months that I finally and completely gave my writing over to God. I was willing to walk away from my dream in order to help my family. However, in the fullness of time, God had other plans.

3)   Most women work because they have to. I found in this depressed economy, whichever spouse could find a job, that was the one who worked. I want to bring this up because a misconception I ran into was most women who work do it to have the second car or nicer house or more spending money. Not true. Almost every woman I worked with did it because she had to.

4)   If a woman is working, her husband is a bum. Another misconception out there. Yes, there are bums for husbands, but most are either going back to school because they could not find a job in their current field, or the wife was able to find a good paying job faster than the husband could. Is it ideal? Perhaps. I have seen families work quite well with the husband home.

5)   We need to support working mothers. They need encouragement. They already feel bad about leaving their families without the added pressure from their peers. Instead, take a working mother out for lunch. Give her a note or a hug. Watch her kids so she can have a date with her husband. Remind her God loves her and through Him, she can get through this time.

I love being home again. But I am also glad I worked. I was able to help my family out during a difficult time. I realized how many missed opportunities I had with my children before I went back to work. I met some amazing women. I learned what their world is like. And I learned to rely on God for strength to make it each day.

 

Christian Life, God's Character

Romance

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Dan left for Kansas for 7 weeks and what did I do? I put in a chic flick and watched Little Women. As I was watching, I thought about the human draw to romance. There is a verse in Proverbs that puts it this way, “There are three things that amaze me—no, four things that I don’t understand… how a man loves a woman.”

I love romance. I love to see a man and woman fall in love. I enjoy it in movies, books, and real life. Romantic love is a mysterious, power thing. It is what pulls us toward the opposite sex. And for many of us, it is what brought us to our spouse.

God is no stranger to romance. In fact, He is the inventor of it. He could have made Eve many different ways: hairy and muscled like an ape or round and prickly like a hedgehog. Instead, He made her similar to Adam, but also different: beautiful, feminine, inviting. Like a puzzle, each edge fit perfectly with Adam. And Adam’s response when first meets Eve? Wow!

The book of Song of Solomon follows the romantic love between a man and woman: their powerful draw to each other, but also reminders not to awaken love until it is time. The story reads like a poetic dance between the two, culminating to marriage and the night thereafter.

There is nothing wrong with romance. It is a beautiful thing to experience personally and watch unfold in the lives of others. That is why we celebrate weddings and anniversaries. The love between a man and a woman is a mystery, and an amazing one at that.

 

Personal

I Hate Roller Coasters

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I have always been afraid of heights. As a little girl, I remember one time crying when I was pushed too high in a swing. That and the fact that swinging made me sick. So when I grew older, I could not understand the fascination people had with roller coasters. They wanted them faster, higher, go upside down, you name it. And people thought it was fun.

I decided my senior year to ride a roller coaster. If that many people thought it was fun, then it must be fun, right? I was visiting a college that fall for college view weekend. On Saturday we went to Magic Mountain. Everyone was excited. That’s when I decided I would do it. I would conquer my fear of heights.

I lined up with everyone else for this huge, fast, go upside down, painted in brilliant red roller coaster. As we snaked our way to the front, my stomach began to twist into a knot. The closer we drew, the more my insides coiled. But I was determined to do this. So when it came our time, I belted myself in with everyone else. And off we went.

It was terrible.

I thought I was going to die of shear panic as the roller coaster cranked its way to the top. Then down we went. I closed my eyes and prayed the entire way that I would make it off alive. I didn’t scream, I’m not a screamer. When I’m afraid, my brain shuts off. Maybe that will save me someday if zombies attack. They will think I’m brainless 😛

Anyway, I did survive. I stumbled off the roller coaster, clung to the railing and flung myself onto a bench. It took all my strength not to hurl all over the place. I sat there a good 5 minutes while the other students who were along for the college weekend waited. I finally looked up and gave them a weak smile. I spent the rest of the day watching others have fun on roller coasters and swore I would never ride another one.

Unfortunately, life sometimes feels like a roller coaster. I see the unknown and I panic. I want to get off the ride, but life keeps going, pulling me to the top. Then down I zip, through valleys of darkness and over tops of dreams. Half the time I have my eyes closed, praying I’ll make it through. Other times I feel sick.

But one thing I do know: while careening through life with my lips flapping in the wind, I’m safe. The roller coaster is not going to fall apart. I sometimes think it will. But it won’t. Because God is right next to me. And He oversees the whole thing.

When I remember this, I’m able to relax a little. I open my eyes and watch the sights flash by. And I finally enjoy the ride.

 

Personal

2012

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It was interesting to read my blog entry for January 1st, 2011 (here). Had I known what 2011 held, I would have given it back and probably asked for a better year. I saw death and I saw job loss. I faced days full of darkness and pain. I cried more this year than all the years before combined. 2011 was the darkest year so far in my life.

But the light of hope still shone, even when I could not see it. God provided for my family. He was patient with me as I wrestled with all the darkness both inside me and out. He brought friends that stood by us and helped us.

God never let go of me.

I now stand on the brink of 2012. What is this year going to bring? I know a couple things already. It will bring the fruition of 8 years of writing: my first book. It will bring the much-anticipated birth for a friend of mine. It will bring change as Dan and I move on with our lives to the next ministry God takes us to.

But those are only hazy glimpses. In the end, we do not know the future. And I’m glad. I would worry way too much ;). Instead, I know the one who holds the future. And I’m learning to trust in Him.