Category Archives: Personal

Christian Life, Personal

Sometimes there are No Answers

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I like answers. I want to know why something works, what happens when you do X, and how can I get the best outcome. I tend to get to the point, whether it has to do with work, solving a problem, or with relationships (about drove my husband mad with this early on :)). So when life doesn’t compute, I want answers.

Unfortunately, sometimes there are no answers to why things happen.

I struggled with this over the past year. Most of the time I can find an explanation on why God allows something to happen. You know, the usual answers: to grow us, to prepare us for a greater blessing, fill in the blank. But none of those answers seemed sufficient for the pain and tears shed over the last several months. I wanted to know why. I wanted a reason so I could close those doors, heal, and move on.

Did God let Dan lose his job because He has something better planned? Why did it feel God was leading us to church plant, to then not have it work out? Why do bad things happen to people who want to follow God’s plan?

I will admit this past year shook my faith down to its very core. I could feel the darkness closing in on me. I cried out to God, but couldn’t seem to hear Him. I felt alone and cold spiritually.

Now some people will say you should never question God. I believe its better to be honest with God. David was honest with God in the Psalms. Jeremiah the prophet was honest with God. God knows my heart and can see the hurt and confusion already inside. Through honesty comes truth. And with truth comes answers.

A couple weeks ago, I had my answer: that sometimes there are no answers. I could feel in my heart that God had been patient with me, but it had come to the point that I needed to let go; I would not have the answers to why things happened the way they did this year. Why? Because God is God and I am me.

In that moment, I caught an awe and terrifying glimpse of God. We, or at least I, forget how much bigger, how much smarter, how much more God knows than I do. He is running this entire universe, watching over lives, creating divine intersections, moving things along on a scale that I can’t even comprehend. So when He says that all things work together for good, even if I can’t see it, He does, and I need to trust that. So I let go.

I may have my answers someday, perhaps in heaven. But I have a feeling that by then, I’m not going to care. Why? I’ll finally be in God’s presence and that will be all I need.

Christian Life, Personal, Writing

Christian Speculative Sites

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Back in 2004 I began my search for Christian speculative fiction. There wasn’t a lot, at least that I could find. Since then, over the course of almost eight years I have found books, publishers, and websites all dedicated to this genre. I know some of you are lovers of the weird and the strange like me, but have no idea where to look to find your fill of fantasy and science fiction. Let me share with you my discoveries:

Where the Map Ends. This is the first site I discovered years ago for Christian Speculative lovers. It has everything from interviews with Christian authors of this genre to book lists to forums where Christians talk about science fiction and fantasy. A bonus to this site is a section where you can learn great writing tips from Jeff Gerke.

Speculative Faith. I found this site about 2 years ago. Monday through Friday you can find articles written by people knowledgeable and passionate about the speculative genre in general and how it relates to the Christian faith in particular. Excellent site for discussion. Bonus: Speculative Faith has a current book list of pretty much all the Christian fantasy and science fiction out there. So if you’re looking for something to read along those lines, check out their list.

Speaking of books, the Christian Science Fiction and Fantasy blog tour (also known as the CSFF) consists of 30-50 bloggers who each month review a Christian speculative book or site. The goal of this blog tour is to let people know good Christian fantasy and science fiction exists. I will be participating in the tour at the end of this month. If you want to read about my thoughts on past books, click on CSFF Blog Tour.

And lastly, publishers. Since I first began writing, there are at least 4 publishers that I know of now dedicated to Christian speculative fiction. I have not been able to read everything produced, but what I have read I have enjoyed and written up reviews on. Here they are:

Splashdown Books

Written World Communications

Risen Books

And of course, Marcher Lord Press.

I hope this helps many of you on your search for Christian speculative fiction. Enjoy!

Personal, Writing

Why I Write Christian Speculative Fiction

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I never set out to write Christian fantasy. In fact, I wasn’t sure what place that kind of book had in this world. Sure, there was Lewis’ Narnia series and Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. But with all the controversy over Harry Potter years ago, I didn’t know what to think. I read Star Wars, Terry Brooks, and such, but Christian fantasy? I don’t think so.

It was actually the Harry Potter controversy that made me start thinking about Christian fantasy. Could fantasy and Christianity mix? Could a good book be written where the faith element or the fantasy element was not compromised? Like I said, I never set out to do that, but in the end that is what I wrote.

Daughter of Light began as a story in my head. It was a place to play with some cool fantasy ideas. A fantasy book with a hint of faith. But as the years went by and I found myself traveling down dark roads and facing one crisis of faith after another in real life, Daughter of Light began to morph into an exploration of what it ultimately meant to follow God.

Through speculative fiction, I am able to explore what would a Christian look like if the externals generally associated with Christianity were taken away like church attendance, bible studies, or Sunday school. Now I’m not saying those are bad things (not at all), but sometimes our Christianity is defined by where we go or what we do, not by who we are.

I am also able to paint word pictures with fantasy that I could not do if I wrote about this world. For example: sin. In our world, sin is a hidden part of our nature. We see the results of sin, but not sin itself. But in a fantasy world, I can show what we look like with sin: naked, broken, with blood on our hands. Unable to heals ourselves. Helpless and bound to darkness.

Of course, there is a fun aspect to writing fantasy. I get to write outside the box, ask “what if” questions. What if we could see people the way God sees people, would we still love them? What if we could heal, but it meant taking on the hurt and pain, would we? What if you found out you’re really from another dimension (that’s a fun question 🙂). What if you discovered you’re not human?

I love writing Christian speculative fiction. It combines my weirdness, my creativity, and my faith. Here is a quote by C.S. Lewis that best sums up why I write Christian fantasy:

“I thought I saw how stories of this kind could steal past a certain inhibition which had paralyzed much of my own religion in childhood. Why did one find it so hard to feel as one was told one ought to feel about God or about the sufferings of Christ? I thought the chief reason was that one was told one ought to. An obligation to feel can freeze feelings. And reverence itself did harm. The whole subject was associated with lowered voices; almost as if it were something medical. But supposing that by casting all these things into an imaginary world, stripping them of their stained-glass and Sunday school associations, one could make them for the first time appear in their real potency? Could one not thus steal past those watchful dragons? I thought one could.”

Book Reviews, Personal

October is Speculative Month

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October is speculative month! Why? A) Because its my birthday B) I will be covering/reviewing a bunch of sci-fi fantasy books and internet sites C) Marcher Lord Press is releasing 5 excellent books and C) A holiday on the 31st where I get to eat lots of candy, compliments of my husband and children 🙂

So to start off October I want to showcase a book that just released today over at Marcher Lord Press. For anyone visiting or doesn’t know, Marcher Lord Press has been dubbed the premier publisher of Christian speculative fiction. It is also the publishing company that will be producing my own book Daughter of Light (release date TBA).

Anyone who knows me knows I like the weird, the strange, and the fantastical. So anytime I can promote my love for this genre in book, movie, or game form, I will. And here, to begin Speculative month, I give you Oxygen.

I asked Randy to tell me why he and John decided to re-release Oxygen. After all, the original book was great, garnering both readers and awards. Here is what Randy had to say:

When John and I started working on the new release back in March, we thought it would be pretty easy to tighten up the writing a bit. But then we started talking about the parts of OXYGEN that we didn’t like so much, and we discovered that there were some scenes we both hated.

And that scared the liver out of us, because as a whole, the original story worked very well. A lot of readers loved it and we won a pile of awards for it. So we didn’t want to break anything, but we still wanted to fix those pesky scenes that seemed to us to be clearly broken. It took us months to polish them up, but we finally got it done, and just in time.

The main “catastrophe in space” storyline hasn’t changed at all. That’s still exactly the same.

So what’s changed?

The romantic storyline between our heroine and hero has been buffed up a bit.  We added a little more heat where it was needed early on, and we removed some conflict which we thought was heavy-handed artificial — mainly conflict over faith issues.  Along the way, we inserted a little more humor.

We think the result is better than before.  Not hugely better, but enough better that we feel good about every single scene now.

I can’t wait to read this new version of Oxygen and will probably write up a review sometime. But don’t wait to hear what I have to say about it, click here and check it out yourself. And check back the next few weeks to find more speculative goodness 🙂

Personal

The Things We Do for Love

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I was struck the other day how many things we do for love. Now I’m not talking about heart pounding, hands clammy infatuation. What I’m talking about is true love. Everyday love. The kind that shows up in little ways.

For example, I love my pets. I have two dogs, two longhaired guinea pigs, and a cat. There are things that they cannot do for themselves, so I do it for them. Like cleaning out the cat box. It’s a messy, stinky job, but someone has to do it. And I love my cat, so I do it without complaint.

Same with my little guys (aka guinea pigs). They are stuck in a cage and depend on me for food, water, and a clean place to live. I love those little fuzzballs so much that I have no problem doing that for them (ask my husband, you won’t find 2 more loved pigs in this world that Butterscotch and Vanilla :)).

I also love my kids. I have changed more diapers, wiped more bums and noses, and held a bowl beneath queasy tummies than I can count. But it is a labor of love. I give my time to hear their stories, laugh at their jokes, and play video games. I give up my house and yard so that they might have a place to play and grow up. My hands cook and do laundry. Little things I do everyday because I love my children.

With Dan, it’s holding his hand or rubbing his back. I love surprising him with chocolate from the store or with a quick text that says “I love you.” It’s making homemade chicken noodle soup when he’s sick in bed. Wearing his favorite shirt, laughing at his quirky jokes, making him a cup of coffee.

I also forgive him and say I’m sorry. I put my own habits aside and do things Dan’s way (like close the cap on the contact lens solution). I don’t put vegetables in the casserole and never buy Folgers coffee :). Its what I do because I love Dan.

Little things. Everyday things. Things we would not knowingly for anyone else, but we do without thought for those we love. Why? Because they mean more to us than inconveniences and messes, more than money, or time, or stuff. Its love shown in the details. The kind of love that glues people together.

So what do you do for love?

Personal, Writing

Daughter of Light

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Have you ever seen inside the human heart?

I have.

I have seen the darkness that hides within, I have felt the feelings of hatred and lust, heard whispers that still haunt my mind. With one touch I see what no one else sees: the very soul of man.

I am a mirror. I reflect the darkness within. I rip away the lies and deceit wrapped around the heart until all that is left is darkness and light. I expose the truth. And am hated and feared for it.

Why would the Word give me such terrifying power? Why must I see the darkness in others?

I never wanted this. I tried to rip the mark from my hand. I tried to hide it. I even ran away. It worked for a time. But a power like this cannot stay hidden forever.

And so I have been banished from my village. I run from those who wish to kill me. And hide from others who hope to twist my power.

Only a few stand beside me. But even they cannot follow me down the long dark road that lies before me. Only one can. The One who gave me my power.

Someday I will pay the price for my gift. For men do not want light, they want darkness. But until that day comes, the Word will stand with me and by his power I will shine.

Daughter of Light.

Personal, Writing

How I Became Part of Marcher Lord Press

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Last week I shared how I became a writer. Later that night, after I wrote my post, I received a surprising email. Here is the story…

I first heard about Marcher Lord Press through a blog interview a few years ago. By then, I knew enough about the writing industry to know that publishing a Christian fantasy would be difficult. Hardly any Christian publishing companies were taking those kinds of books. They wanted romance, historical, Amish. Not a fantasy set in a different world. Not my kind of book.

Then I read Randy’s interview with a man named Jeff Gerke. Jeff was starting a new publishing company that would only produce Christian science fiction and fantasy. He saw a market out there that no one was reaching. So he was going to reach it.

After reading that interview, I turned to Dan and said, “My book might have a home someday.” I never realized how true those words would become.

I watched Marcher Lord Press with interest. I watched the books produced. I read the books. And they were good. Really good. I was still finishing my own book at the time, but I knew when I was done, I wanted to submit it to Marcher Lord Press.

Later that spring, I went to the Mt Hermon Writing conference with a finished book in hand, ready to show it to agents and publishers. I also met Jeff there. I told him about my book. He seemed interested and told me to submit it. But he also warned me that it would take 12-18 months for him to get back to me about it. That was fine with me.

I went home and sent off my manuscript. I also sent it off to a couple others who were interested. Then I started writing the second book. I heard back from the others. The message was the same: good book, but not for us. I didn’t lose heart. I knew I suppose to write. But that didn’t necessarily mean I would be published.

Then life happened. Dan and I found ourselves at a crossroads a couple months ago after he was let go from the church we were serving at. All thoughts of publishing disappeared from my mind. Instead, I found myself in God’s crucible. I was being reshaped and reforged by grief and heartache. Dan and I clung to each other and God as we sought what we should do next. We came out of that time with a strong love and desire to reach people with God’s love. So we decided to church plant.

But how did publishing fit in with that? I didn’t know. We were beginning a whole new way of life with me working full time and Dan taking care of the kids, going to school, and planting Living Grace Church. I finally knelt down one night and gave my writing to God. I was willing to give it up if God so chose.

After work last Friday, I received an email from Jeff. I waited until the kids were in bed. Then I did the dishes, all the while praying. Then I sat down and opened the email. His first words were would I like to be a Marcher Lord?

I ran to Dan’s office crying. Poor Dan, he couldn’t figure out if they were good tears or sad tears. I finally said he wants my book. Then we both came running back to my computer and finished the email. Then I sent off my reply. Yes, I wanted to be a Marcher Lord.

I couldn’t believe it. I walked around the house the next two days in a daze. I felt that gut twisting sensation you get when the roller coaster reaches the top and you’re looking down right before the plunge: excited and terrified. The contract came in. I read over it a couple times, had Dan read it, then signed it.

Monday, the news broke and life has not been the same since.

So what now? you might be wondering. Do I get to sit back and wait for my book to be published? Hardly lol. I have some big revisions to do per Jeff’s request in the next three months. Then probably more.

Am I making tons of money and going to retire? Um, no :). Most authors hardly make anything with their writing. But that’s not why I write.

When is your book coming out? Not sure yet. Need to get through those revisions. But I’ll let you know when I know.

How many books are you writing? I am contracted for 3.

What is your book about? Click on the tab labeled Daughter of Light (right hand side) to read a blurb about my book.

So that’s my writing journey. There have been a lot of people who have supported me, encouraged me, and pushed me to the next level the last few years. To name them all here would take a lot of space. You all know who you are. Thank you my friends!

To find out more about Marcher Lord Press, click here.

If  you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comments below :).

Personal, Writing

How Did I Become a Writer?

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How did I become a writer? Most authors I know begin their story with something about when they were six they knew they wanted to be a writer. Not so with me. When I was six I wanted to be a pegasus unicorn 🙂 (probably explains why I write fantasy now).

I never dreamed of being a writer. In high school, I loved science and math, not English and certainly not writing. So how did I start? It began when I walked into a Christian bookstore and asked if they carried any Christian fantasy. The woman gave me a strange look and pointed to a lone Frank Peretti book at the end of the book aisle.

I went home stunned. That’s it? Just Frank Peretti? (by the way, I like his stuff, but I wanted more). After talking to Dan, he suggested maybe I should write. Yeah right. But the thought stuck with me. Then on a long car trip to Seattle, I had my idea for a book. I went home and wrote. I was naïve back then. I thought a writer sat down, wrote a book, found someone to publish it and that was that. Eight years later, I now know there is a whole lot more to the writing process.

I wrote for two years, just writing out the story in my head. Then I discovered there was a writing group in Oregon and that they were having a one-day conference in a couple weeks. I signed up. That one-day conference changed my writing life.

I met Randy Ingermanson (who was the guest speaker that day). For anyone who is thinking about writing fiction, you need to check out his website here. I went home and immediately signed up for his ezine and began to follow his blog. A couple months later, I followed Randy’s advice and signed up for the Mt Hermon Writing Conference.

Mt Hermon was another pivotal point in my writing life. For five days I met with hundreds of other Christian writers, learning how to write better, how to seek publication, met some great agents and publishers and came home ready to take my writing from a hobby to an earnest pursuit.

I spent the following year just writing. Next week I will share how I write a book (from idea to final draft), but let me just say now, it takes a loooong time (at least for me). By the end of that year, I had a finished, polished manuscript.

In 2010 I was able to attend Mt Hermon again and this time had a manuscript to share with publishers and editors. At this second conference, I ran into Rebecca Luella Miller, another pivotal person in my writing life. It was Becky who told me I should blog. Once again my thoughts were yeah right. How? When? And what would I write about? But with her gentle encouragement, I jumped into the blogging world.

It is now 2011 and I am still on my writing journey. Writing is a long, patient process. It requires self discipline, a willingness to learn the craft, and lots and lots of time. I’ll admit if I had known eight years ago what it took to be a writer, I would have been overwhelmed. But here I am and I love it :). I thank God for this medium by which I can share my life, my creative ideas, and His truth.

Next week I will share the ins and out of how I write a book (and no, its not just sit down and write, at least not for me lol). So don’t forget to stop by!

Book Reviews, Personal

Top Ten Books I Love

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It’s Friday and I’m coming into the weekend after my first full week of work. To celebrate (and because my brain is recharging), I thought I would do a light fluffy post today. This post is also the kickoff for my next three posts where I will talk about what it means to be a writer (and why you should find a more sane hobby :)). So here we go!

These books are like comfort food. When I want something to read and have nothing new, I grab one of these. I have read them over and over again. These books are old friends who live on my shelf (you know what I mean?).

1)   Anne of Green Gables. L. M. Montgomery’s books take me to a time and place filled with unique characters. If you haven’t read the series (past the first book), I would highly recommend you do :).

2)   The Hobbit/Lord of the Rings/The Silmarillion. It was The Hobbit that first sparked my love for the fantasy genre. I also love the Silmarillion. Basically it’s the history book for anything Middle Earth.

3)   Pride and Prejudice. Personally I think this is the best romance written. Girl meets boy. Girl hates boy. Girl realizes she was wrong about boy. Boy does everything to win girl back. Love it!

4)   The Scarlet Pimpernel. I read this book for the first time a couple months ago and absolutely loved it. It takes place during the French Revolution (fascinating time period) and revolves around a mysterious man who, with the help of a group of young English noblemen, smuggles French nobility out of France.

5)   Jane Eyre. A darker tale of love, but beautiful as well. It is about a young woman who has to choose between the way of love and the way of virtue. She chooses to stand by her convictions. At the end of the book, she is finally free to marry the man she loves who by then has paid the price for his past wrongs. A wonderful book about enduring love.

6)   Mark of the Lion Series. Excellent three book series that takes place during the Roman time period right after the fall of Jerusalem. The story follows a young Jewish woman who is sold as a slave into a roman household. Great historical fiction.

7)   Star Wars: Heir to the Empire series. There are many Star Wars books out there written by many different authors, but my all time favorite is this first series written by Timothy Zahn. If you want to read Star Wars, start with this series.

8)   Harry Potter. I first began reading this series after the teens in my youth group were asking about Harry Potter. This post is not the place to discuss the controversies surrounding Harry Potter (instead, go to this link* where I friend of mine discusses why Harry Potter is important to Christian discernment in reading). I love the books. J.K. Rowling has written an amazing world and deep characters.

9)   Sherlock Holmes. Yep, I love the man of deduction. It always fascinates me how Sherlock Holmes is able to solve each mystery by seeing what we all see, but in a different way. Classic mystery.

10)  Chronicles of Narnia. I could not end a post like this without mentioning C.S. Lewis and his stories about Narnia. I will say the books are better than the movies. So go read them.

So there’s my list. I would love to hear from my readers what are your most favorite books, those books whose covers are worn and pages dirty, but you read time after time after time again. Please share in the comments. Maybe I’ll find a new love amongst your lists :).

 

*http://www.speculativefaith.com/2011/07/07/harry-potter-and-the-issues-beyond-fiction-part-1/

Christian Life, Personal

A Day of Rest

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As a mother, I work seven days a week. I have twelve to fourteen loads of laundry to do, same amount of dishes. There are bathrooms to clean, floors to clean, counters to clean. Then there are 3 meals to prepare each day, baths to be given (both to kids and pets), and vacuuming. And that’s just my cleaning load :).

For years (if not all my life) I have worked every day. Sure, I would take the occasional afternoon off or vacation time, but it was not consistent and certainly not every week. When I would read the Ten Commandments, I would skim over the one that talked about keeping the Sabbath. Confession time: I didn’t believe it really applied to my life. It was an Old Testament thing, not as applicable as the other commandments like do not lie or do not murder.

Then two things happened this year to make me rethink that. I read a book that talked about the Sabbath. Not in an overtly religious way. Just the need in our fast paced gogogo world to slow down, be quiet, and hear God. I began to rethink the Sabbath after reading that book.

Then a few weeks later, it was the topic preached at church: our need to slow down and rest, to keep the Sabbath.

Another confession: I had some preconceived notions of what it meant to keep the Sabbath. Such as all you do is sit around and be quiet all day. Or… you can’t do any kind of work or you’ll be “breaking the Sabbath.” Or… be at church all day and listen to 3 hour-long sermons. The idea of keeping the Sabbath seemed too religious to me, too “works” oriented, archaic. Not applicable to a modern day Christian.

However, the book I read, the sermon from a couple months ago, and my dawning realization that with working 40 hours a week on top of being a mother and wife was going to radically change my life made me pause and rethink the Sabbath.

Could I do it? Did I really have time to take off every week? Would I fall behind in my housework? And what did keeping the Sabbath really mean?

It means a day of rest. Something I needed already in my life and would need even more once I started working.

So I decided to give it a try. A couple weeks ago, I took Sunday off. No, I didn’t just sit around and be quiet. I certainly did not spend the entire day at church and listen to three-hour sermons. I just chose to do nothing but spend time with my family, spend time with God, and write a little. That’s all. Well, I put one load of dishes in the dishwasher :). But I didn’t even cook. We had cereal and sandwiches, meals that didn’t require much from me.

And I loved it.

I felt energized and ready to face Monday. I enjoyed my family. I was able to finally quiet myself enough to share my deepest fears and worries with God about my future. And found peace.

And you know what? I didn’t fall behind in my housework (like I thought I would). I ceased to worry about keeping the Sabbath “the right way” (whatever that way is) and just rested. I found the world could still revolve without Morgan.

So I decided to do it again. I took the next Sunday off. Then the next one. And now I’m wondering why I didn’t start doing this earlier in my life.

I will admit I have to work a bit harder on Saturday, like making sure I have sandwich makings or a frozen meal so I don’t have to cook (I love that part! the no cooking part on Sunday). But it is worth it. And I will need this day of rest even more as I start my 40-hour job next week.

Are you afraid to take a day of rest? Afraid everything will crumble like a house of cards if you’re not on it everyday? Or are you afraid of turning the Sabbath into a religious obligation? Those were my fears. But I’ve come to realize God knew what He was doing when He gave us the Sabbath and rested Himself as an example.

A day of rest. Permission to enjoy life, take a nap, play Uno with the kids. And leave the laundry for the next day :).