Profile of a Pastor’s Wife: The Pastor’s Polygamy

March 18, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 2 Comments

I share my husband with another. That other is the church. John Piper called it the pastor’s polygamy. Being a pastor is more than a job, it’s a life. It’s a life that my husband shares with all those God has placed under his care. Dan spends time with the church, his thoughts are on the church, his prayers are for the church.

The same is true of the kids and me. Dan spends time with us, his thoughts are on us, his prayers are for us. And so the church and I share Dan.

Learning to balance church and family has been something we have been learning since the day we married. Early on in his ministry, Dan was spending up to 5 nights a week doing church activities, not to mention full days. At that time I was home with a baby and a toddler. I rarely saw Dan and felt the weight of his absence. Let’s just say it wasn’t good for our marriage.

It came to the place that we realized that as good as church is, there needed to be time boundaries. It would be easy for Dan to spend all his hours with the church. But that would not be good for his family. And I came to realize that I have to let go of Dan and let him serve the church.

Those limits have been tested over the years. There are seasons when Dan is gone more than I would like. And there are times Dan has had to tell the church that he is needed at home. Sometimes, the church has not liked that.

But that’s what it means to share the same man. Compromise. Both sides allowing Dan to do what God tells him to do.

On a practical note, for me that has meant sometimes I am a single parent. I take the kids to church by myself so that Dan is free to minister to others on Sunday. I put the kids to bed at night so that Dan can attend his meetings at church. I stay home with sick kids on Sundays (I think I’ve been to church once in the last month lol).

I am not bitter by these situations. Why? Because by supporting my husband I am serving God. I know my husband seeks to have a healthy home first, so he can help lead a healthy church (1 Timothy 3:5). I am thankful for the times the church compromises and allows their pastor to stay home with his family. After all, a pastor backed up by a healthy family makes for a healthy pastor 🙂 .

Next week, I’ll talk openly about the inside workings of the pastor’s family and how you can pray for your pastor (trust me, they need lots of prayer!).

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Profile of a Pastor’s Wife: Married to the Pastor

March 11, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 3 Comments

What’s it like being married to a pastor? Well, it’s all I know since I’ve never been married to an electrician, a veterinarian, or a store clerk (I was married to a bank teller for a couple months until God made it clear to Dan that he was called lol). Being married to a pastor brings a unique aspect to both life and marriage. So to lift the veil, I will be writing candidly about being married to the clergy in hopes that by sharing, I can demystify the life of the pastor and his family.

First, a disclaimer: every marriage and every family is different. So my experience as a pastor’s wife will be different than the next pastor’s wife because A) I’m Morgan and B) I’m married to Dan. ‘Nuff said.

Myth #1: Its great to be married to a pastor because they are amazing spiritual men (aka never sin). Hahahah! Next myth… Actually, I’ve heard this from more than one woman who wished their husband was a pastor so they were a better spiritual leader. Let me debunk that myth. Yes, your pastor sins. Or else they wouldn’t need Jesus. And just because they answered the call doesn’t mean they suddenly stopped sinning. I have been so angry at Dan that I have had to leave the room or else I would say something I would regret.

Being married to Dan from the beginning of his ministry has meant that over the years, I have watched both of us grow spiritually. We have learned to forgive, to bear each other’s burdens, to be truthful with one another. Dan didn’t start out that way (and frankly, neither did I). Just like you, your pastor is growing spiritually and will be until the day he dies.

Myth #2: Everything is spiritual in a pastor’s family. Huh? Trust me, a pastor’s family does not exist on a higher plane of spiritual existence. Both Dan and I have changed diapers, we pay our bills, and enjoy a good game of football. On a more serious note, our children were not born Christians. They are as sinful as the other kids in the nursery and need to hear about God’s grace and make their own choice to follow God.

Our goal in our family is not to be more spiritual but to be real. Real about the hurts and pains in life. Real about saying sorry and asking for forgiveness. Real about loving one another (tickle wrestling is great!). There is no church side and home side to us. We are who we are wherever we are. And by God’s grace, He is shaping us to become more like Him.

That’s all for this week. Next week I’ll talk about the pastor’s wife and polygamy (yep, you read that right but you’ll have to wait until next week to find out what I mean ;)).

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Afraid to Fail

March 5, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 1 Comment

I constantly find myself trying to fulfill everyone’s expectations of me. Those expectations are like plates. I spin plate after plate until I am racing around trying to keep all the plates spinning. Of course, I can’t and so they spin out of control and go crashing to the ground. Sometimes I get lashed at because the plate broke, sometimes I beat myself. Sometimes I can’t take the pressure anymore, so I cave in. Mt. St. Morgan erupts and unfortunately my kids take the brunt of it because they were nearby when it happens.

Why? Because I’m afraid to fail. I’m afraid to seem incompetent in other people’s eyes. I’m afraid to look like a bad parent, dismal pastor’s wife, uncaring Christian. So I strive to keep all the plates spinning without asking for one moment if God told me to spin that plate in the first place.

God cares about my heart more than He does about me spinning plates. Now don’t get me wrong, we definitely have responsibilities we need to fulfill. But sometimes I add more. Or sometimes I’m too afraid to let go of a plate and let it crash so I can take care of the responsibilities that matter more (like God, my husband, and my kids).

I’m afraid to fail. I have a feeling I will fight that fight until I the day I die. But I am learning (and was reminded again this week) to let go of what other people think of me and look up. In the end, only God’s expectations matter.

“But the Lord said to her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details. There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT).

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CSFF Blog Tour- The God Hater, Day 3

February 23, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 4 Comments

Yesterday I said that it was the Spiritual Factor, more than the Cool Factor, which drew me into The God Hater. Looking back, I think that’s a first when reading Speculative novels (although now that I think about that, A Star Curiously Singing is a close second, see what I had to say about that here).

But before I dive in, it amazed me the diverse responses to this book by the participants of this tour. Some loved it (like I did), while others found it lacking in different areas. Goes to show you how different people are and how varied our tastes are :). Check out the links I gave on the first day to see what others are saying about The God Hater.

Now, onto the Spiritual Factor.

Yesterday I stated that The God Hater is an allegory. It is a story used to illustrate abstract ideas or principles. Or in my own terms, an allegory gives handles to the basket so we can carry away the idea. For example, try explaining grace. God’s Righteousness At Christ’s Expense (a nice little acronym there). But can you picture that in you mind? All I come up with is a fuzzy grey picture. But when you add a story or illustration (i.e. Jesus hanging on the cross in our place), suddenly I have a picture. I can see Jesus in my mind, bloody and beaten for my sin. See how powerful a story or illustration can be? It helps us see the idea or principle.

As a teacher, this is what I strive to do. Take God’s Word and break it down into pictures that people can see and understand (probably why I write stories). I believe this is why I resonated so strongly with The God Hater. Bill Myers did a fantastic job of presenting the concepts of free will, grace, sin, and even God. And he did it through a means that we would not normally think: through a computer program.

Here are some parts I loved in The God Hater: (Warning, big spoilers)

Free will: As the programmers (and Dr. Mackenzie) try to save the digital world, one thing cannot be touched: the digital people’s free will. They cannot be programmed to make good choices; they have to choose to make good choices.

The Law: The Law is introduced when Dr. Mackenzie grudgingly realizes that these people need instruction from an outside source, specifically, from their creators (those who made the program). You can see why he is reluctant; it’s too close to the idea of introducing a god. However, these people need to know there is a greater reality than the one that they are experiencing inside the computer program and that those outside the program can help them. So Dr. Mackenzie gives them one command: “Treat one another as though you are sacred. Treat one another as you would treat me.” That’s all. Just love one another

Unfortunately, the people inside the computer program devise rules to make sure everyone is following this command. And if you don’t, you are taken to the Grid, which sucks some of your life out (how much life is dependent on the crime).

Grace: The digital people are better at following the letter of The Law (as they call the command to love now), rather than the heart of it. Once again, Dr. Mackenzie realizes that in order to show these people what meant, he will need to meet them personally. Through nanobots, an exact replica of him is made and put into the computer program.

As the virtual Dr. Mackenzie interacts with the people, he grows to love them. He is hurt by how they hurt each other and the pain of their own poor choices. He also sees there is no hope for the Lawbreakers because if they were to be taken to the Grid, their entire life would be taken because of how much lawbreaking they did. Near the end of the book, the only way the virtual Dr. Mackenzie sees the Lawbreakers being allowed back into civilization is to go onto the Grid for them and have his own life units taken as payment.

God: God is more complex, more superior, with thoughts so vastly outweighing our own that to compare him to a virtual Dr. Mackenzie is like a raindrop compared to the ocean. That said we get a glimpse of God’s love for us through the virtual Dr. Mackenzie’s love for the virtual people and his willingness to go to the Grid for them.

I could go on for a couple more pages about all the allegories in The God Hater, but instead I’ll say this: Go read the book. I highly recommend it :).

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CSFF Blog Tour- The God Hater, Day 2

February 22, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 6 Comments

Today I want to take a look at the Writing Factor of The God Hater. Bill Myers begins his book with this disclaimer:

“The following is fiction. I’ve tried to make the science and theology reasonably accurate. But, just as I’m sure I’ve made scientific blunders in the writing, I’m equally positive I’ve stepped on theological land mines. Then there’s that whole pesky issue of allegories… if something doesn’t sound right… don’t waste your time reading this. Go to the original Source and see what it says.” (The God Hater, IX)

I think this disclaimer should go in every book, whether fiction or nonfiction. If something doesn’t resonate with you, go to the original Source, especially in areas of spirituality or theology. As a writer, I try to stick with an accurate portrayal of God and Christian worldview in my writing. But my writing is fallible. And so is everyone else. Only God’s Word is perfect. He is the ultimate source. Go to him for answers, not me or anyone else :).

I found The God Hater an intriguing, thought provoking read. It is not bogged down by scientific details nor did it come across preachy. Instead, it did exactly what an allegory (in my opinion) should do: use a story to illustrate abstract ideas or principles. And Bill does this well in The God Hater. He illustrates the ideas of the Law, of grace, and free will. He puts handles on the baskets of these ideas so we can carry them away.

Characters: I liked the character Dr. Mackenzie a lot, perhaps because I personally know old men like him :). I also found my heart connected with the people inside the computer program: people like Alpha and Nyrah. Even though they aren’t “real”, they become real because they have real desires, fears, and hurts. They are three-dimensional human beings.

I really enjoyed this book and can’t wait to dive into the Spiritual Factor tomorrow. This book is probably the first one that the Spiritual Factor drew me in more than the Cool Factor. So come back tomorrow and see what I have to say :).

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CSFF Blog Tour- The God Hater, Day 1

February 21, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 7 Comments

Hey everyone! Welcome again to the CSFF Blog Tour. This month we are reviewing the book The God Hater by Bill Myers (you can find his facebook link here).

First let’s talk about Bill Myers. When I was a kid, I watched a video series called McGee and Me. For those unfamiliar with the series, imagine Lizzy McGuire only it’s about a boy and his cartoon counterpart with morale themes. I loved them! So imagine my surprise when I found out Bill also wrote books, specifically speculative books for adult audiences. Awesome! (Also, on a side note, I met Bill last year at a writing conference. He asked what college I was attending… Thanks Bill, you made my day :P)

Now for The God Hater.

I was blown away by everything! It has a cool plotline, a great main character (I loved Dr. Mackenzie the moment I met him), and the spiritual factor… wow! This is a three-day review you won’t want to miss!

So let’s start with the Cool Factor. This book revolves around the idea of a mega computer program built to simulate the growth and evolution of civilization. The only problem is the pseudo civilization always ends with the annihilation of every person. So the makers of this program bring in Dr. Mackenzie, leading philosopher and atheist, to figure out why this computerized civilization always dies out.

Dr. Mackenzie tries out every philosophical model out there, from Darwinism to Existentialism, but it the program ends the same every time: the wipe out of the computerized civilization. Dr. Mackenzie knows that this computer civilization is actually a model of the real world. And if he can’t find a way to keep the computer world from dying out, then what hope is there for his own world?

Stop in tomorrow for the Writing Factor and you definitely do not want to miss the Spiritual Factor on Wednesday. Click on the links below to see what other CSFF Bloggers are saying about The God Hater:

Noah Arsenault

Red Bissell

Thomas Clayton Booher

Rebecca LuElla Miller

*In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.

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ISTJ

February 11, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 14 Comments

“I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Thy works, and my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:14 NASB)

I sometimes have a hard time believing that about myself; that apart from my sin, I am exactly who I am suppose to be. That God made me wonderful. Because sometimes I struggle with who I am.

Now I’m not talking about sin here, I’m talking about my personality. Anyone familiar with the Myers-Briggs Test will recognize the letters I put for my title. The world is made up of many types of people. Extroverts. Introverts. Logical. Emotional. Fast paced. Slow paced.

I happen to be a logical slow paced kinda person. Here’s an excerpt I found that fits me almost to a T:

ISTJ’s are known as the “Examiners” or “Inspectors” of the 16 types.
They have a keen sense for right and wrong and they have a strong ability to handle details.
They may appear cold and uncaring because of their ability for logic and objectivity.
They are decisive and practical when it comes to managing people.
You will find them in areas where stability and dependability are more important than creativity.
Extremely loyal and dependable, they place a high value on honesty and integrity.
They are the good citizens who put duty before pleasure.
They won’t allow themselves to relax until they have finished the work planned for that day.
Well organized they strongly believe in being on time and not being late.
Introverted, realistic, down to earth, logical, disciplined and organized.

Nice list, eh? The problem is I find myself fighting my personality when it comes to loving people (most especially my family). Do you ever struggle with that? Do you struggle when your personality clashes with someone else? Its not sin, its simply a difference in personality. Like phone calls. I hate phone calls. I can’t see the person, I become tongue tied, then that awkward moment of silence comes making me wish the call was over. It has nothing to do with the person on the other side of the line. It’s just me.

On the other hand, there are some of you that love phone calls. You could talk for hours. I’ll admit, I definitely do not understand that nor do I think I ever will. Is one of us right and one of us wrong? Nope. Its just different personalities.

However, there are times I wish I could change who I am. I wish I naturally thought more of people than solutions to problems. I wish I could easily read people and see what they need instead of looking blankly at them when they are hurting (more like the deer in the headlights look).

Lately I’ve been wondering where I fit in the church? Where does a logical, analytical, facts first kind of personality fit in a place that says to love people and put them first? Where does a Martha fit in a Mary world? Sometimes I feel I would be a better Christian if loving people came more naturally to me.

I guess that’s why God says, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT). The personality God gave me gives me strengths (perseverance, integrity, the ability to look at a problem intellectually and not emotionally). But it also has its weaknesses (like loving people).

I need God’s strength to love people. I need His example and power. I only need to look at what I would be without God to see how much He has changed me. I can actually say the words “I love you.” I give hugs and kisses. And I feel His Spirit move inside of me, whispering to me, showing me what I naturally would not see in people.

I guess God didn’t make a mistake after all when He made Morgan. This world needs my kind of personality 😛 But I need God to become all that I can be. And that’s a good thing.

By the way, for anyone wondering, Dan is an ENFP (yes, you are seeing correctly, every letter is opposite of mine… goes to show you God had a sense of humor when He put us together lol).

*The website I found the list for ISTJ is http://www.careerplanner.com/MB2/PersonalityType-ISTJ.cfm

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Hugs and Kisses

February 4, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 7 Comments

I was sitting on the couch yesterday afternoon reading my bible when Caleb came tearing around the corner on his tricycle. A huge grin filled his face when he caught sight of me. He jumped off his tricycle, ran towards me, and gave me the biggest hug ever. Then he raced back towards the bike and tore out of the living room.

I read a couple verses. The squeaky sound of a tricycle two wheeling around the staircase filled my ears. I looked up. Caleb came tearing back into the living room. He grinned again, jumped off his bike and gave me another huge hug. By now my mommy heart was melting all over the place. Caleb ran to his bike and away he went.

This happened a third time, but instead of racing off to his bike, Caleb just laid his head on my chest. We sat there, me stroking his back, he enjoying his mommy. And I realized what a blessing hugs and kisses are.

They come big, they come small. But each one is special.

When Makayla is put to bed, she likes to beckon me with a tiny little finger. Then when my face is close enough, she pulls me in and gives me a big kiss on the cheek. Philip on the other hand is becoming a “big boy” (aka “I’m too old for that mom”). So I just go up to him, wrap my arms around his middle and smell his hair. He smells just like Dan 🙂 Katy… well Katy is just like a kitty. She likes to snuggle down on my lap and purr.

Even those touches of affection in marriage are special. Dan loves to give big bear hugs (I think he’s going to break one of my ribs someday!). I like to hold his hand. Those “I missed you all day and I’m glad you’re home from work” kisses. And my favorite: full body hugs beneath warm blankets while a thunderstorm rages outside.

God gives us such wonderful things like hugs and kisses. Even just writing about my own hugs and kisses makes my heart swell in gratefulness to our God who made such things 🙂

How about you? What’s a special hug or kiss for you?

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CSFF Blog Tour- Dragons of the Valley, Day 3

January 26, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 13 Comments

Before I dive into the spiritual elements found in Dragons of the Valley, I want to revisit what I mean by that. There is a lot of debate out there (for writers and authors) about how much of our faith we should put into our books. Is there too much gospel? Not enough? Should there be an altar call? Or should there just be a moral theme for our readers to take away?

After thinking about this debate (and reading what others have to say), I think I will say yes. Yes to it all. Because we need all kinds of books. We need books that lay out the gospel. We need books that show what it means to follow Christ. We need books that slowly introduce Christ to people who would never otherwise darken the doorway of a church.

We need all kinds of books that will bring the reader into a deeper understanding of God (more specifically, an accurate understanding of God; there are books out there that are not theologically sound).

So for those of us who write out there, we should write the stories God has impressed upon our hearts. For some of us (like me) there will be strong Christian elements. For others (like a friend of mine), God will not even be mentioned in the first book. But that doesn’t mean he isn’t there.

Okay, jumping off my soapbox now :).

Wulder is the name given to the personification of God in Dragons of the Valley. He created the world, is an intimate part of the lives of the races he created, and loves unconditionally. One of the spiritual themes in Dragons of the Valley is the people of Chiril had forgotten Wulder. Their ancestors failed to pass down the writings and knowledge of Wulder, which resulted in this generation knowing nothing of him. It isn’t until the artist Verrin Schope returns from Amara with the wizard Fenworth and the tumanhofer librarian Librettowit that the people of Chiril are reintroduced to Wulder.

This is an important point. Later in the book, the race of Kimens realize it only took two generations for them to completely forget Wulder. He was still there, in their songs and dances. But the moment their ancestors stopped talking about Wulder, they forgot.

We as humans can easily forget too. How many of us forget birthdays or anniversarys! I think that is why God admonishes us to teach our children about Him, to read His word, and why there is communion (In Remembrance of Him…). We do this so we do not forget Him. We pass on what we know so the next generations know what God has done for them.

I highly recommend Dragons of the Valley for anyone looking for a light Christian fantasy full of good spiritual truth 🙂

In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.

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CSFF Blog Tour- Dragons of the Valley, Day 2

January 25, 2011 Morgan L. Busse 6 Comments

Today I want to cover the Writing Factor of Dragons of the Valley. In the Writing Factor, I take a look at how well the writer built their world, conveyed their plot, and how engaging was the story. But before I begin, I need to point out something: I was under the impression that this book was for young adults. A kind friend showed me that this book is actually advertised for all ages. My goof 🙂

Dragons of the Valley is set in a fantasy world filled with rich history and races. Donita has done a wonderful job of creating all these different races (fourteen total!) each with their own particular uniqueness. The Kimens (imagine light pixies) are small, wear light for clothing and love to be merry. The Tumanhofers enjoy nice clothing (they kind of remind me of hobbits). But I think my favorite race is the Emerlindians. They are described as tall and slender (like elves in my opinion). But what made this race fascinating to me is they are born pale (hair, eyes, skin), but as they age, they darken (darker eyes, darker hair, darker skin). I thought that was cool!

A+ on world building!

Plot: Donita keeps it light and simple. Yes, there is a war going on, but she does not go into the more violent details (remember, she writes for all ages). Her characters go on a quest, which keeps the plot moving. The humor is great and keeps the story light. Here is one of my favorite quotes: “I do wish one’s figure did not reflect the love of good food. It’s so annoying to butter your bread and find rolls around your middle.” (Lady Peg Schope, pg. 236-237). Yes Lady Peg, I absolutely agree!

The only thing I found annoying is there were so many races and characters that I could not keep them all straight at first. I absolutely hate having to go to the back of the book and look at the appendix. It takes me out of the story. But after a couple chapters, I was able to remember what a Tumanhofer was or what a Bisonbeck was and no longer needed the appendix. But that’s just me personally 🙂

Tomorrow I will take a look at the Spiritual Factor of Dragons of the Valley.

In conjunction with the CSFF Blog Tour, I received a free copy of this book from the publisher.