I was going to blog on another topic this week until I read the cnn.com article about Facebook and spouse cheating, I couldn’t get that topic out of my head. I read the article with horror and realized how desperately important it is to set boundaries in marriage. Not that I didn’t know that already, being married to a pastor and all, but those boundaries are for everyone, not just a pastor and his family.
Boundaries? you might be wondering by now. What do you mean? Let me explain by sharing boundaries of my own.
A) I always tell Dan when a man wants to be my friend on Facebook. Why? It keeps me accountable to all the men who want to be my friend and makes me examine my motives on wanting this person to be my friend. It also lessons the reasons for Dan to be suspicious of me (which to my knowledge, he never has, but I do not want to give him reason either).
B) Dan and I both have each other’s passwords to Facebook and email accounts. Not that we have anything to hide, but it gives a certain level of accountability.
C) We have permission to question each other if something doesn’t seem right (this is done in a respectful and humble manner, not accusatory). I can’t tell you how many times this open honesty with each other has diffused misunderstandings between Dan and I.
D) During times of frustration in marriage, it can be easy to go to another person and find understanding from them (especially through emails and Facebook). This is DANGEROUS when you go to someone of the opposite sex. You begin to find yourself attracted to that other person because they understand you while you and your spouse are at odds. Instead, pray, pray, pray, for your spouse. If you need to talk to someone, go to a trusted friend who you know will point you back to your marriage and God (not simply take your side).
E) If you find your heart and mind wandering towards another person, take those thoughts captive! Spend less time with that person. Focus on your spouse. Be on your knees before God. Fight for your marriage!
A wonderful woman, Mary E. DeMuth wrote a great article about protecting her marriage. Although aimed at those in the Christian publishing world, her advice can be applied to all marriages. Here is the link www.christianfictiononlinemagazine.com/june-09-brilliant_real.html
Marriage is worth fighting for. The scary thing is, you might be fighting yourself.
Morgan L. Busse 
I’m surprised at A & B. C-E are great words of advice.
Hey Mister Reiner! I guess A&B can be weird 😛 When my husband and I set up our myspace accounts years ago (since then we’ve switched to facebook) we decided then to share our passwords with each other.
As far as inviting a man to be my friend, I want everything to be above board. My heart can be very deceitful and this is one way to protect it and my husband’s heart. To be honest, it was my husband that started this practice. As a pastor, he gets a lot of invites to be his friend. So he would tell me anytime a woman asked to be his friend.
Its not about fear, possessiveness or jealousy. Its about thinking about your spouse and the many pitfalls there are out on the internet. A lot of people don’t wake up one day and decide they are going to cheat online. I believe they stumble into it. And the best way to protect against that is to be proactive.
Let’s try this:
You and your husband are stuck on what both of you believe to be a deserted island. One day, while you are alone gathering coconuts, you “stumble” upon a man who is younger, stronger and more handsome than your husband. Are you just going to up and leave your husband?
In my opinion, people cheat because they are having issues with their current relationship that they are unwilling to admit/accept and properly address. People need to decide if they want to fight for their marriage or get a divorce – it’s as simple as that. Cheating is a way of not having to make that decision.