We can’t afford to keep you on.
I don’t love you anymore.
It’s cancer.
We’re not prepared for this kind of emergency.
Mom, I’m pregnant.
Some of these words I have heard, some of them I have not. They are scary words, filling one with the wish that they could go back in time and prevent them from happening. But let me share with you what words, for me, would be the most frightening to hear.
These words came to me a couple weeks before I went to a conference. They were not real, not yet anyway. But they lingered there in the back of my mind. At this conference, I was having dinner with a couple people and someone brought up the question: What is your goal in life? Being creative people with a sense of humor, everyone around the table began to say things like “Become dictator of the world,” and “Go on every roller coaster there is.” I smiled and laughed with the rest until it was my turn. Then I felt God urging me to share those words.
I took a shaky sip from my water, then put down the cup. I looked around the table, took a deep breath and began.
I do not want to get to heaven and have God say, “Morgan, you led a pretty good middle class life. Not many bad things happened to you, you had a nice house, nice car, nice family. But let me show you what your life could have been… if you had let me have my way with it.”
The mood at the table suddenly dropped a couple degrees. People shuffled their silverware around. Someone cleared her throat. I wanted to apologize, but those words were the true goal of my life. I do not want to hear God say those words. Those words would leave me feeling I had done nothing with my life. I lived, I died, and nothing came of it. I want my life to count for more. I want it to mean something.
Now don’t get me wrong. A nice life is not a bad thing. But if in pursuit of that life we miss hearing God’s voice, then we miss out on our lives being something amazing. What good is it to have a nice house, a secure job, a published book if in the end, it was all for me? No, I want my life to count for more. I want it to have maximum impact. And the only way is to hear God’s quiet voice, directing me towards His plans for my life.
And then having the courage to do it.
*I wrote this post almost two years ago and it is still the desire of my life: to be used by God.
Morgan L. Busse 
well written!
Good thoughts. I thought you were going to echo mine. Two scary thoughts for me: Getting to heaven and God saying, Depart me from me I never knew you. or getting to heaven & God saying, what did you do with what I gave you? & then only seeing stubble. Thanks for sharing.
Those also scare me.
As far as the “depart from me”, I have been through so much that sometimes my faith only hung by a thread and God pulled me back. I don’t think He would pull me back just to turn me away at the end lol.
The stubble scares me more. How do we know our lives are worth something, or just stubble? That is where I focus on God and give Him everything, even when I feel like a failure in an area of my life. “Please make something beautiful with my life” is what I ask God.
I just finished reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s biography (and will be doing a post on it soon). What I came away with is the realization we have no idea what God has in store for us. But we need to be faithful in the little that we know and do. And who knows, it might make a huge difference!
Perhaps the “depart from me” has more to do with “sobering up” rather than scary. One of things I live by is the “be faithful in the little things.” I think it makes all the difference. At least in my experience of being faithful in the little along the long journey of life.
It’s interesting to watch the hand of God when you can actually see Him moving and working, but not sure of the outcome. Trusting Him through it all. I think I’ve just witnessed God putting up a detour sign. Sigh. In His time.
Thank you for sharing from deep in your heart, Morgan. During my mid-life crisis, or should I say at the end of that crisis, I made the decision that I would not waste the rest of my life with distractions and detours. I can’t explain the difference in how I face everyday.
Some days I forget that determination and if I let too many days go by, I am not moving forward through God’s will, but stagnant. I don’t like that place.
Morgan, I, too, thank you for those “deep” words. Having survived a recent crisis with my elderly dad, I stopped and took a closer look at my own life. It wasn’t a pretty picture. I began to pray and ask God to give me a new purpose “for the rest of my life”. Things that I enjoyed when younger didn’t interest me now. It was time for a change. My prayer was that the “end” of my life would be more productive than the early years. The Lord has already brought something new to me and I am excited about this opportunity to help others. He reminded me that we don’t retire from His service even though we may retire from jobs and organizations. Awesome!